OnceTwiceThird Times The Charm
by Nheath12
Summary: Will the unraveling of Kate Beckett turn into the dream come true they both have been looking for or will it be just another disasterous attempt at distractions.    This has been in my mind for a while. Will contain smut later.     First Fanfiction EVER!
1. Playing With Fire

Kate Beckett sat in her chair, staring at the murder board, mesmerized by the silence in the bullpen without Castle around. The words were beginning to run together. Beckett hadn't slept well in the last forty-eight hours after wrapping up the case that had sent the entire mystery of her mother's murder into a tailspin. If she was honest with herself, it wasn't entirely her mother's case keeping her awake at night. There was a combination of the mean streets of New York City keeping the murder rate at an astounding pace and…_that kiss. _Beckett thoughtlessly brought two fingers to her lips as a small smile formed there. The smile quickly faded as she thought about the distance Castle had been keeping since that night. Josh came back from Africa early and surprised her with breakfast in bed the next morning. The pang of guilt threatened to explode their entire relationship into a million tiny pieces. In a way, they were already broken, but kept at it, kept working, and kept going. They had built their relationship on comfort and the understanding of the tolls that both of their jobs took on them. Kate cared deeply for Josh and wanted to make things work between them; but that _kiss. _If Kate would just be honest with herself she would see that Josh was just a pawn playing nothing but a distraction for the one thing she kept denying herself of. Yawning suddenly, Kate reached for her coffee, brushing the sleep from her eyes with her other hand. She silently cursed herself for not making a better effort to work on her relationship. She needed that distraction again and she needed a break from this _damn case._ She walked over to her desk purely exhausted and threw her coat on. As she felt around in her desk for her car keys, she picked up her phone instead. She stared at the screen for a moment. Still no messages. Her eyes dropped to a spot on the floor as she tried to quiet the racing thoughts going through her mind. _What if he is done? He can't be. Not after all the things he said and did that night. Could that kiss really have ruined what they had spent three years building?_ She highlighted Josh's name in her contacts and opened a new message. She thought about what to say but scrapped the draft instead. She was going to surprise him. The case wasn't going anywhere at the moment anyway and after Josh had left for Africa, the sexual frustration was building. 

As the wind bit at her now rosy cheeks a voice penetrated the fog that had consumed her tired mind. "Always…" she heard his voice slowly above a whisper. She paused with her keys in the lock of the car rubbed at her eyes again. She really was tired. 

When Josh left for Africa, he left a key to his apartment with Kate. He had asked her to check in on the place now and then. She hadn't told him that she actually stayed the night there a couple of nights to get away from the _Castle thoughts _that invaded her mind. She slowly slid the key into the lock and quietly turned the door knob, hoping not to wake him if he was already asleep. Looking around the apartment at the clothes spilling out of the small suitcase he had taken with him and the Chinese take-out boxes that cluttered the coffee table to her right, she just shook her head. "The life of a bachelor" she noted under her breath. She took off her coat and draped it over the back of what she had once claimed as 'The Most Comfortable Chair She Had Ever Sat In' and tiptoed down the hall to the bedroom. It was a little past 11:30 pm and she had assumed that a man who had claimed that afternoon during lunch to be 'jet-lagged' would be asleep. She couldn't say that hearing the commotion in the bedroom didn't make her smile slightly. She had to admit that the man was a better distraction awake than he was asleep. She heard a giggle on the other side of the door. It was too high-pitched to be from Josh and Josh didn't giggle anyway. Did any man giggle? That wasn't the point she thought hurriedly as it donned on her that there was another female in her boyfriend's room. She peeked through the small crack that had been left open and knew for a fact that the reason she felt like she was going to vomit was because that woman definitely was not Josh's sister or anything close to being an 'okay' female to have in his home. Her jaw lay slack and she could feel the familiar stinging sensation coming from her tear ducts. If it weren't for the tiny voice in her head telling her 'it isn't worth it' she wasn't sure if she would have had so much self-control at the moment. She may not have been in love with Josh but it didn't make the metaphorical break in her heart feel any less painful. After everything she had been through in the last few days and piling this on top of it all caused Kate to have to swallow what she knew was going to turn into uncontrollable sobbing. 

Kate made her way as quickly and quietly out of that apartment as she possibly could. She didn't have to have to face him yet. Not like this. He would not have that power over her. She would not allow him the ability to see her in such a vulnerable form. He didn't deserve her and she knew that. Or did she not deserve him? She had after all kissed Castle first. No! She had a damn good reason for that and while she couldn't say she didn't enjoy it, she was not doing the horizontal shuffle with him while her boyfriend dealt with a personal crisis. She slammed her car door as she got in and punched the steering wheel. It was such a barbarian move but she was hoping the pain radiating throughout her fist would trump the pain she was feeling emotionally. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror and knew she had to pull it together. She was Kate 'Fucking' Beckett. She was not some weak little school girl. This was not her personality. She took a few deep breaths and looked angrily up at the window belonging to Josh's apartment and wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes. 

She zipped out of her parking space and drove the city streets she had come to know like the back of her hand. She was tired but she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to be stuck alone in a quiet house with nothing to do but think. 

Kate stared at her phone as she sat parked outside of 'The Old Haunt.' She weighed her options. Lanie or Castle? In a away Kate blamed Castle for all of this. Logically she knew that it wasn't his fault it was nobody's but her own and that is what was making her so angry. She was a detective. How could she not see that she was not the only girl her boyfriend was showing his 'hog' to? Lanie on the other hand talked too much. Kate wasn't sure she could vocalize what was going on. She was too embarrassed and even if Lanie was her best friend, she wasn't ready to talk about it. Instinctively her thumb pressed the number two and before she knew it a sleepy voice was greeting her in confusion. "Beckett? Did you get a break in the case?" 

She had to swallow the lump in her throat once…twice…third time was the charm. 

"Kate?" She knew he was worried. He only used her first name when he was concerned and she knew she needed to give him some sort of answer before called The President himself to send out a military search party for her. 

"Can you meet me at 'The Old Haunt?'" Her voice was barely above a whisper and she was having trouble masking the emotion behind every syllable. 

Before he could even answer Rick Castle found his feet touching the hardwood floor of his bedroom. 

"Yeah. Of Course!" he nodded furiously on the other end. "Give me fifteen minutes…" 

Kate didn't wait for another word and she didn't remember speaking anything else before she ended the call and looked into the rearview mirror again, biting her lip and wondering what the hell she was doing. She was playing with fire but he was the only one who would understand the need to just be in somebody's company. He had gone through it with his ex-wives and with as much of a pain in the ass as Richard Castle was, he knew her. He knew when to push and he knew when to back off. She just hoped that tonight would be no exception.


	2. Mistake

Castle looked at the phone and saw that she had already hung up. Something wasn't right and it caused a sense of dread to creep up his spine. Beckett did not just call him in the middle of the night without a good reason. Usually it was pertaining to a case if she did. Not this time. This time she made a simple request in an emotion filled voice that came out as quiet as a mouse. He grabbed his jeans from the hamper in the corner of his bedroom and hopped around on one foot trying to get them on as quickly as possible. "Ouch!" He whimpered like a little girl when his hip made contact with the edge of the sink in his bathroom. He rubbed furiously at the spot through his jeans as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Richard?" came a sing-song voice from down the hall.

"Dammit…" he cursed. He didn't mean to wake up his mother. He really didn't have time to explain this to his mother. Something was wrong with _his _Beckett and he wanted to get to 'The Old Haunt' as soon as possible. _His Beckett. _Not even his dreams could be well enough to satisfy the wanton need to have those words ring true to the outside world.

"Go back to bed mother…" he whispered in an attempt to keep his daughter sleeping.

Martha's silk robe swayed down the hall as she walked towards him. "What's wrong dear?" she asked with a look of concern etched on her face.

He didn't mean to roll his eyes but he did it without forethought. He knew from the conversation they had only a couple of days before that he had severely underestimated his mother's concern for his well being. Even if he was a grown man. "I'm not sure yet, mother." Before Martha could even utter another word, Rick had pecked her on the cheek and disappeared down the stairs and out the door.

Martha sighed in her usual dramatic sense and shook her head. _That boy is going to be the death of me. I just hope she is okay. _It was no secret to Martha how her son felt about the detective she just wished he would wake up and smell the coffee. Any man rushing out the door after midnight as if his shorts were on fire for a woman was without words, in LOVE.

Ever since Castle bought 'The Old Haunt' the bartender seemed to have a real problem with taking her money. Or the boys' for that matter. It really drove her up a wall. Kate Beckett was an independent woman and she didn't need a rich sugar daddy to take care of her. Even if he did kiss like a Greek God. She physically flinched after the thought ran through her mind. "No Castle tonight, detective?" the man behind the bar questioned as she took her seat. She just looked at the man with her patented glare for knowing her so well. Maybe 'The Old Haunt' wasn't her finest choice for an attempt at being incognito for a night. "Can I just get a drink? Preferably something really, really strong?" The corner of the bartender's mouth turned up slightly. He had seen this scene like bad comedic romance over and over again. "It's too bad. You two were great together." At that, Beckett's head shot up from the bar and her eyes went wide as she thought about Josh. Had Castle told his bartender about her relationship? She felt like she was going to die of embarrassment. "I'm sorry?" she asked with a bit more venom in her voice than she had intended. The bartender looked at her with a confused look. He was beginning to fear for the livelihood of his most endeared limb with the daggers she was shooting his way. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

Her nostrils flared in a not so feminine manner as she waited for some sort of answer from the young man. "Castle. He was really sweet on you. Please don't kill me…" he pleaded as he handed her a full glass of scotch.

Kate's eyes closed and she took a breath of relief as she realized that the bartender was just another victim of the senseless rumors she was becoming used to. She jumped and her eyes fluttered open when a hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey…" he whispered and stood back in confusion. Kate Beckett wasn't a laid back person but she wasn't usually this tense either. His eyebrows scrunched together along with his lips and he tried to study her expression. Castle had shadowed Kate Beckett for three years now; he knew when she was faking a smile and when she was being sincere. He knew her real laugh, from the one she used to appease people. He knew when to push her and when to back off. What he didn't know was what the micro-expressions on her face were saying in that moment. He had seen Kate Beckett in rare form but the way she could barely look at him mixed with every muscle in her face fighting the emotion threatening to break out broke his heart. "What's wrong, Kate?"

"Nothing…" she said faking a smile as she shook her head. "I just thought I was going to have to flash my gun. If you make me regret calling you that still is on the menu though."

Castle gave a dead panned look to his partner but he realized that she did not want to talk about it right now and he wasn't going to pry. She would tell him when she was ready. "I'm glad you called me…" he said lingering a look at her and then waving down the bartender.

Kate just stared absently into the amber liquid. "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't lost your precious IPhone. The boys were worried when you didn't show up today" she lied.

Rick couldn't help the smirk that was beginning to register on his lips. "Why detective, is this your way of saying you missed me?"

She wanted to scream _yes._ Instead she just picked up a pretzel from the bowl in front of her and tossed it sideways at his head. "Don't flatter yourself, writer boy."

"You wound me…" he said in mock hurt as he sipped on his scotch. "Where is Josh? I thought he was returning from 'saving the world' today?" he asked sarcastically.

At his name Kate picked up her glass to silence the scream threatening to bubbly to the surface and polished off the entire thing in just a few gulps. Castle watched her in awe.

"What is your obsession with him Castle? Would you like to ride on his motorcycle too? Stop asking about him. It makes you sound pathetic" she snapped with venom in her voice that he had not heard since he dug into her mother's case without her permission.

His left eyebrow raised and he now knew what those micro-expressions were trying to scream at him when he approached her just moments ago. "Is this about the kiss?" he asked warily.

Kate rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Can I get a pen?" she yelled down the bar. When the bartender tossed one down the bar, Castle caught it and handed it to her. Her lips pursed as she grabbed it angrily from him and began scribbling something down on the napkin in front of her. She slammed the pen down and threw the napkin at him. "There is his phone number and address. If you want a pissing match. Take it to him."

"Whoa whoa whoa…you call me down here in the middle of the night in what seemed like a 911 call to what I would assume most people would infer and the only thing I can understand since I've walked in is that you really do not want me here at all."

Beckett stood up and threw down a ten dollar bill on the bar top. "Yeah. My mistake." She rolled her eyes and quickly stalked off towards the bathroom.

Castle looked around him at the few people left in the bar and wanted to ask one of them if he had walked into a Russian warzone. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with her but he wasn't going to let her fester in whatever it was. If this was about something he did. He deserved to know. He jumped off the bar stool and went after her. "Kate!" he called as loud as he could without getting the attention of the whole bar.

"Go home, Castle! I told you. I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry." She felt herself being whipped around on her heels as he grabbed her elbow before she could push open the door to the women's bathroom. She tried to shake him off but he had a grip that was a little tighter than she realized. "I'm not leaving here until you tell me what is wrong. We both know how annoyingly persistent I can be."

Kate looked down at the hand that was gripping her elbow and angrily jerked away from him. "Then I am leaving." She stepped past him but didn't make it very far before she felt herself being turned around at the speed of light and was met with his lips melting right into hers. _The Kiss._ This time there was no psycho with a gun and there certainly was no doubt that this was the real thing. She tried to fight it at first. He hands landed on his chest before she felt her entire body melting into his. His tongue traced her bottom lip as it begged for entrance to her sweet mouth. Her brain completely shut down and soon their tongues were doing a dance so eloquent Fred Astaire couldn't even hold a candle to. Her fingers dug into the cotton of his simple t-shirt as 'Possession' by Sarah McLachlan brought her senses back to earth. As Castle slowly pulled away the look in her eyes screamed a mixture of anger, desire, and shock. There was something else there. He had never seen it on Beckett but he was pretty sure it was lust.

Kate touched her lips as she just stared at him. She didn't have a snarky come back. She didn't have any words at all as she tried to remember how to breathe again. Before she even knew what she was doing, the stinging in her fingers made her want to let out a whimper.

Castle's head jerked slightly to the side at the sheer power that came from such a small woman. His hand rubbed at the red mark forming on his right cheek. He guessed he deserved that. He knew he was taking a 50/50 chance kissing her.

"Why did you have to write a book about ME! Almost 2 million women in this city and most of them more than happy to become another Richard Castle groupie. Instead you want to come and upset my apple cart! My entire life!"

He could have answered that in so many ways. He didn't want another dense, bimbo, Richard Castle groupie. He wanted her. It had been all about her since day one. The book was just a constellation prize for his publishers.

Kate just stared ahead, her eyes steeled at him. She was waiting for an answer. Some sort of eloquent answer right off the pages of what was probably to be his next best seller. Instead, the great mystery writer chose that moment to be silent. His face was so full of emotion. She remembered that look. It was the same look she had seen outside of the hotel after the triple killer almost stole him right out of her life and now she was advertently pushing him out anyway. She swallowed the lump in her throat. That look made her want to cry. It had been put there by her. The one man that stuck with her, the one she claimed to implicitly trust with her life, the one that had saved her life. Her butterfly lashes looked down at the ground. She couldn't look at the pain radiating from him anymore. "I should go…" she whispered, turning around.

"It wasn't a mistake" she heard a voice gruffly call behind her. She turned on her heal and shot him a confused look. "You're telling yourself it's a mistake. It's not. You can tell yourself it was all you want; you can even convince yourself of it. In the end, you know it wasn't."

Tears threatened to spill as they pooled up under her lids. She looked up at the ceiling, hoping that the actions would pour them back behind her eyes. "Castle, I…"

Rick cut her off by shaking his head. "You stay. I'll go…" His head dropped to the floor before he realized that they were once again in doing the tango as her lips crashed down on his this time.


	3. Out Of Order

**Author's Note: This is so exciting. I have never had so much fun in my life. I played around with the ideas for this chapter and changed my mind multiple times. I hope I didn't ruin it by changing some things. **

**I now have Carpel Tunnel. I spent my lunch break tapping away on my Blackberry just so that I could get this chapter up for you all tonight. Your reviews fuel me so don't forget to give me feedback. It makes my day! **

**Sorry about grammar mistakes, my phone doesn't have spell check. Enjoy! Will try to get another chapter up tomorrow.**

They say that lightening never strikes twice but Richard Castle was ready to refute that science from the top of the Chrysler building. From the searing light flashing behind his eyes as the contours of Kate Beckett's lips finally melting into his without reservation; he had indeed been struck three times in three days. How else was he to describe the surging power that emanated throughout his entire being every time she allowed him to touch her in such an intimate way. Not more than five minutes ago he had been positive that their little undercover mission had exploded all over his expensive shoes. He wasn't sure how he would have managed but with the vile bite to her words Kate had spewed moments ago he was sure it had been his last strike.

To have a woman like Kate Beckett in your life, only to have her ripped out of it just as quickly as he had barged into hers was a form of torture deemed much more cruel beyond the tortuous ways the victims on the pages of his books could ever receive.

His right hand cupped her cheek as his thumb massaged the point right behind her earlobe. Their two bodies' stumbled back against the wall beside the women's bathroom door as she nibbled at his lower lip. Only breaking contact to come up for air, Rick's lips traced the firm edges of her perfectly sculpted jaw on his way up to the erogenous zone he found right behind her ear. His hands laced through her curls as she elicited a whimper that would drive any man in the tri-state area to fall weak in the knees.

"Rick...we should really..."

Her words were cut short the moment he took her ear between his teeth.

"Stop..." He replied with a lust filled mumble.

She tried to nod her head as his hands traveled up the smooth material of her blouse, making slight contact with the milky white curve above her hip.

Instead of listening to the words they both spoke aloud, they continued the exploration with her hands clawing a beautiful pain against his shoulders. Their lips met in a clash once more and Kate's entire mind went black. She was convinced she had blacked out as her leg slid up his thigh and he pressed the exact effect she was having on him, closer to her body.

Most of the bar had begun clearing out as the bartender made his last call. When the bartender looked up and over in their general direction while trying to clean a spill on his bar top; he grinned like the Cheshire cat. He shook his head slightly at his boss and the minx he worked with went at it like hormone raging teenagers in the dark corner. He was afraid that he was going to have to close the bar down at that moment before things became even more NC-17 than any of the patrons were ready for.

Apparently Beckett was just as much of a control freak in romantic situations as she was her work life because before he knew it, Rick was being swung around and his back hit the hard wood of the bathroom door. It swung open at the contact and Kate giggled like a school girl as Castle tried like hell to remain standing upright.

From that moment on the only thing Kate wanted was to feel. Feel the slight chisel of Richard Castle's chest as her hands pushed into it. His erection screaming into her thigh, the feel of his tongue as it created a sweet nectar mixing with her own. Feel anything other than the pain she had experienced before that moment. She wanted to hurt Josh and without thinking, she was using Castle to do so.

As they shuffled down the walls of the women's bathroom, fighting for dominance, Castle ran hip first into yet another sink. "Apples apples apples..." He screamed into her lips as the bruise that was already forming there shot a bolt of pain through him.

Outside in the main hall of 'The Old Haunt' the bartender had realized that the two were no longer in the corner and he did not see them leave. He looked around the bar at the few people still occupying bar stools. Reaching down under the bar he produced two signs. "I'll be right back, boys" he said to the two regulars in front of him before walking over to slap an out of order sign on each door of the bathroom. He didn't know which one the two disappeared into but he didn't want anyone walking in on their private moment in either case. So, he shut down both.

Kate's breath hitched as Castle's hand reached underneath her bottom and grabbed a good handful before lifting her up onto the sink. Their lust filled eyes met for a moment and Kate let out what Castle was sure was the sexiest grin he had ever seen in his life. The eye sex ended abruptly when Beckett snaked her tongue out to grab a hold of his ear. Her teeth scraped against the skin and Castle let out a whimper. "Kate…" he tried getting her attention. When that failed he reluctantly had to push away from her before he lost all control. "Kate…Kate…Kate" the look she gave him made his throat feel dry. Her bedroom eyes promised things she could do to him that would make him die on the spot, but it was completely overcome by confusion when Rick didn't speak after that.

Her eyes widened and she looked at him demanding to know what was wrong. "If we continue this, I won't be able to stop."

"And?" she questioned as she try to go back to the ministrations she was demonstrated on his earlobe.

His hands mindless ran up the smooth skin on her sides before he realized how much of a bad idea that was. He quickly jerked away. Kate's body felt a chill at the loss of contact between them. An almost inaudible whimper vibrated through her vocal chords. Castle clenched his eyes closed and tried to will away the pressing erection that was causing him so much discomfort.

"Castle; look at me" she said breathily.

"I can't." He swallowed hard and completely missed the sad look on her face. "If I look at you right now. I won't be able to finish saying what I need to say and we will be back at it."

She wanted to laugh. This was just freaking great. "Are you telling me you are all talk and no action, writer boy?"

His eyes shot open at that comment and he couldn't resist the urge to press her up against his erection. "Does it feel like no action, Kate?" She just looked to the floor.

"We are…ummm…in a bathroom, in a bar and when I came here you were obviously upset about something. I want you. Captain Hammer down there can't even express how much I want you, just not like this."

Kate looked around as she began to realize where exactly they were. Sex in a public bathroom was something she hadn't done since college and while thrilling, was not a comfortable memory. Her eyes glassed over as she thought about what she was doing. What she was doing to him. Whatever her feelings were for Castle, she knew that jerking him around like this wasn't right. There was so much more that she needed to figure out. Castle may have publicly had the record of a heartbreaker; Kate secretly had the same one. She knew that she couldn't do that to this man. Not this one. Not after realizing how much a broken heart could destroy you.

"If you were any other woman, things may be different. You aren't just any other woman Kate. You know that, right?" he asked as he cupped the side of her face and gave her one of the sweetest and most chaste kisses Kate had ever experienced. "You are so much more than that. In her current state, she wasn't sure if what he was saying was just another line but she hopped off of the sink anyway. "I don't think I could have you just one time. And if I do, I don't want you to regret it. You're in a relationship and I can't have the extraordinary Kate Beckett and then know she was going home to someone else. I don't want a dirty little secret. I want you and I want all of you and if that means I have to wait painfully. I will do that."

At the mention of her "relationship" she just nodded and turned away from him. She made her way to the door and turned around. "I'm sorry…" she whispered before making her way out of the bathroom and out of the bar in tears.

Rick wasn't sure if he had just screwed up his one and only chance to tango with the devil herself or if he did the right thing but she deserved respect and his mother taught him well enough. Maybe he was in love with her. He turned on the faucet and splashed himself with ice cold water as he attempted to get rid of the after effects of Kate Beckett before he made his way out of the bathroom as well. He felt the flutter of the sign on the door and turned to read it. He looked back over to the bar and received an encouraging wink from the boy. Rick Castle wanted to giggle like a little school boy but the reality of the situation saddened him. She wasn't a Richard Castle groupie. She was EXTRAORDINARY!


	4. Richard, Fix It

**Author's Note: I had a horrible time trying to write this chapter. I have no idea why. I got writer's block somewhere in the middle. It's not the best but I did want to get you all something for now. I want to know what everybody would like to see happen. Maybe it will help out the flow of the next couple of chapters. Reviews are like drugs. I really want to get you all involved in this story. Let me know your wishes, wants, and needs. **

At approximately 5:30 A.M. Castle fell off the couch at the sound of his daughter's shrill scream. He dashed up and over the back of the couch to run to wherever the scream came from but was quickly met face to face with porcelain features of his only child. He looked around at the splashes of orange juice all over the floor.

"Are you okay?" he asked grabbing at her cheek and pulling her face into his chest.

"Dad…dad…I can't breathe." Alexis tried to fight her way away from her father's chest to come up for air. "You scared me. What are you doing down here?" she asked as the sound of a door swinging open was heard at the top of the steps. "Richard? Alexis?" came the worried voice of the Maitre D' of the Castle family rushed down the steps. The two younger generations looked up at the stairway without an answer until Alexis finally piped up. "Dad scared me." She turned to her father and shot daggers in his direction before rushing over to find a towel in one of the kitchen drawers to clean up her mess. "I'm sorry pumpkin. I must have fallen asleep on the couch."

Like a seventeen year old again, Rick Castle remembered sneaking back into his own home after enjoying one more drink at 'The Old Haunt'. After inching the locks on the front door, silently into the correct tumblers he plopped down on the sofa. The only light in the room coming from the numbers on the DVR promising him very little sleep that night. Castle rubbed his hand roughly over the stubble on his cheek and over his eyes. Every time he allowed his eyes to close the wretched look of pain covered her face like it had earlier that night. He didn't know the exact time but before he knew it, Richard Castle must have fallen asleep.

Castle gently took the towel from his daughter's hands and leaned down to help his daughter clean up the mess he technically caused. "What were you doing on the couch, dad?" Alexis propped herself up on one of the barstools with a questioning look. Alexis may have acted more like the adult in their relationship 99% of the time but he never liked involving her in his romantic life. Being a single father of a teenage girl was hard enough; with his history of women and bad break ups he tried to keep her sheltered from that part of his world. He could feel his mother's eyes boring holes in his back as she waited on what answer her son would be giving to Alexis. "Don't you have school?" he quickly segued. Alexis pursed her lips in disappointment and hopped off the barstool. "I get it…I'll go" she nodded knowingly as she pranced back up the stairs.

Martha walked over to the coffee pot and flipped the switch as she hugged her robe closer to her body. "I almost thought I was going to have to make an excuse for why you weren't here this morning. What happened? "Martha Rogers was a lot of things but she was far from dense, no matter how much Rick tried to pull the wool over her eyes growing up, she always knew when something was up. He still tried, giving her a confused look. Martha rolled her eyes and leaned down over the counter. "This has something to do with your favorite detective…" she began the conversation for him. "It's nothing mother…" he tried to brush off. "The way you rushed out of here in the middle of the night wasn't nothing, Richard." She threw her arms up dramatically and shrugged her shoulders. "Fine. You don't want to talk about it." She began to walk away towards the bathroom shouting over her shoulder. "Whatever it is, Richard. Fix it. You are quite the pain when the two of you are fighting."

Castle stood up and he knew his mother was right. He just didn't know if this 'something' could be fixed. He tossed the towel on the counter as he heard his phone ring the familiar Toccata and Fugue in D Minor and walked wearily over to his phone. His thumb circled over the answer button on his IPhone but instead he set it right back down on the table. "You're not going to answer that?" he heard his daughter's voice over his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around her father.

He whipped around with a smile on his face and hugged his daughter properly. "I need to get some writing done today. Beckett will understand. She will probably be relieved."

Castle could tell that his daughter wasn't buying the nonsense but left it at that. Kissing her on the cheek he placed his hand on her back and began pushing her towards the door. "School beckons…"

Alexis just laughed. "I love you too, dad." Castle just nodded with a smile.

It took everything Kate Beckett had to 'will' herself into work that morning. She refused to sit around and mope at home like a bad scene from some pathetic heartbroken chick flick. As she clipped her badge to her hip, she thought back last night's events. _Was I high? _She asked herself silently. She shook her head and grabbed her phone and gun out of the night stand on her way out of the door. She saw the texts from Josh when she sat down in her car and wanted to scream. Good _Morning, babe? How's the case going? Will I see you tonight? _They just continued on in the cheesy fashion that she never seemed to mind until that moment. He didn't care about the case and it wasn't a good morning, and worst of all he didn't need to see her tonight. He could always just call Ms. Giggle Fits from the other night.

The entire drive into the 12th was spent thinking about what she was going to say to Castle when he showed up. Things had happened last night. They went too far and she could easily use the age-old excuse of not being in her right mind. That would only require her to divulge something she wasn't quite ready to share with the rest of the world, yet. She hadn't even confronted Josh yet. She didn't even know if she wanted to. She would just have to admit that he had made a fool out of her and Kate Beckett did not like being anybody's fool.

She had just stepped out of her car when her phone began to ring. "Beckett" she answered as she made her way up the steps to the precinct. Before she knew it she was turning on her heel and walking right back to her car.

"Call Castle, we have a body" she heard the Captain's voice loud and clear but for some reason gave him a resounding "What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"We already have a case…" she tried to explain as her hand reached the door.

"That case is being handed over to another unit. This one is going to need our full attention."

"Another unit? It was a homicide. We are homicide detectives."

"It's being labeled as a cold case."

"A cold case? We barely got a chance. What about…"

Kate was quickly cut off as the captain snapped his orders at her once again from the other line and she just nodded.

Without thinking about everything that had happened the night before, Kate was back into her old routine and calling her pesky shadow/annoyance/sidekick/partner…whatever. After the first couple of rings the feeling in the pit of her stomach reminded her of what she was doing but the dread of it being too late to turn back now overtook her. When she didn't get an answer she let out a sigh of relief. Wait! Richard Castle just ignored her phone call…Either she had really screwed something up last night or the apocalypse was coming. _Apocalypse?_ She thought. Three years and she was starting to dread the influence the overgrown man-child had become on her life.


	5. Where's Castle?

**Author's Note: So, this chapter doesn't really have any Caskett in it but, this case is hopefully going to play a pretty big part in the continuous unraveling of Beckett. The next chapter will definitely have more Caskett in it. I just couldn't see the two of them chumming it up the day after everything happened at The Old Haunt. Promises of some girl time with Lanie are to come as well. Still loving the reviews. Really looking forwards to seeing where you all would like this story to go.**

Kate spotted the south side to the park and hung a left. Police tape crisscrossed the entrance, with a uniform stationed on each side of the yellow 'X'. She pulled in between a squad and a paramedic unit. While she turned off her car and dropped the keys into her pocket she took in the view through her windshield. She spotted Ryan and Esposito at a picnic table with two boys. A couple of crime-scene photographers. The crime lab van. Bunch of uniforms and their squads. The Medical Examiner's hearse. A gurney sitting behind the hearse, waiting for a body. She flipped down the visor and studied her face in the mirror. She looked like something right out of 'Night of the Living Dead'. The red veins in her eyes and the gray smudges under them advertised her lack of sleep. She rarely got enough rest, and last night was worse than usual. Fortunately Ryan and Esposito were typically too afraid of her to test her patience this early in the morning and Lanie could see through her like saran wrap. She wasn't going to brow-beat her in the middle of a crime scene.

She fished her shades out of her jacket pocket glove box and decided that she could use the blinding snow as an excuse. She popped open the driver's side and hopped out. While she walked across the snowy expanse toward the picnic tables, she dug inside her pockets for her notebook and pen. Esposito eyed her from his seat on the picnic bench. He got up and said something to the two boys. They nodded and stayed sitting. The older one rested his elbows on the table and propped up his chin with his hands. The younger one wiped his nose with the back of his jacket sleeve; his eyes were red. Kate figured he was the one who'd stumbled upon the body. Gross thing for a little kid to see.

"Media's gonna love this one." Esposito scanned the sky above them for helicopters but saw nothing but gray. "Wonder where those dogs are this morning?"

"It's a little early for them. Give them time to have their coffee." She flipped open her notebook. "The dead guy?"

"Sterling Archer."

Beckett's eyes went up. She'd heard about him; he'd made the national news. Archer was a juvenile judge who'd molested a sting of children and teens over a dozen years. Most of the victims had been in his courtroom. In one case, he'd elicited sex from both a girl and her mother in exchange for leniency on the bench. Archer's team of attorneys got half the charges thrown out and, during the trial, tore apart the credibility of the kids. The defense's tactics and the resulting verdict – an acquittal – infuriated the cops and citizens. One of the young women who'd testified committed suicide. Some of the families had publicly vowed revenge.

"A vigilante thing, right? There's gotta be a line of suspects snaking all the way down to the Florida border."

"Maybe. Maybe not" she heard Ryan pipe up as he approached the two from behind. "Here's the deal. After he was cut loose, Archer left the state, went to Florida. Miami. No one knew he was back in town except his Realtor lady. He came back for a day – to close the sale of his house."

"Where'd he live?"

"Over there" Esposito tipped his head. "Washington Heights."

Beckett felt her mouth go dry. She had been so consumed by her thoughts that morning; she hadn't realized where she actually was. She simply fluttered her eyes to the ground and bit her lip before she heard Ryan speak.

"Missing persons reports says Realtor lady called the cop shop last night to report her boy missing in action. He didn't show for his closing Friday morning, and she was worried.

"So Realtor lady reports Archer missing last night." She nodded towards the brothers sitting at the picnic table. "Then, this morning, the boys find his body – well pieces of it anyway. What about the rest of him?"

"Let's just say you can trip over the judge halfway between here and there."

"CSU sweeping the park?"

Esposito and Ryan nodded in unison. "They found some shoeprints around the body. Could produce some decent casts."

Beckett stuffed her notebook back into her jacket. "Gonna check out the scene while you two finish up with the boys over there, then."

"Already done interviewing the kids. Nothing much to tell. Didn't see spit or hear spit. Just stumbled upon some dead guy's hand making a snowball. The thing rattled the hell out of them. I told them to chill for a while, calm down, and then go home."

"Between you two and C.S.U., what have I got left to do?" The boys gave her a strange look. It was invasion of the body snatchers. Usually Beckett would have made them go over everything they knew and then go over it again with her and her sidekick for double measure. "Where's Castle?" Ryan asked.

"I think he chewed his collar off," she dead panned as she made her way past them and towards a triangle of police tape wrapped around tree trunks. The yellow stood out like an exotic flower. Beckett eyed the area around the triangle. The corpse wasn't far from the park's paved trail, but it was well hidden by the density of the trees and bushes. She stepped over the tape, hunkered down next to Lanie who was examining the right arm resting on top of the muddy snow.

"Where's writer boy?" Lanie piped up when she finally recognized Beckett's presence. "Maybe next time I will stay home and just send Castle out here since you all seem to miss him so much…" she snapped. Lanie leaned back and shot a questioning glance to Ryan and Esposito behind Beckett. Ryan threw his hands up and Esposito just shrugged. Lanie took another look at Beckett and just shook her head. She would remember to interrogate her pleasant disposition later. "He was alive when his hand was taken off" she spoke, getting down to business.

"What makes you so sure?"

Lanie pointed at the stump. "Look at the way the dirt it sort of packed into the end of it. I think he tried to use it for leverage. Push himself up with it."

"Ouch" the boys said in unison.

Beckett took her notebook out of her jacket, flipped it open, and wrote while she ran her eyes up and down the body. She'd seen Archer in the newspapers and on television. He's been a short, obese man with an Alfred Hitchcock belly. Now, face down in the muddled snow, he looked flat and spread out. "I assume there are no other missing parts but could we check out side B at the morgue. Its freezing out here" Lanie shivered.

Beckett hadn't even realized the biting wind. It was the only thing truly keeping her awake. She just nodded and stood up. "Ryan…Esposito; go check out this Realtor. I am gonna go back to the 12th and find out how Archer has been spending his time in Florida. Lanie, call me if you find anything back at the morgue. "

"Plan on it, girl" she shot back a knowing look to her friend. Beckett simply rolled her eyes behind her shades.


	6. Meet Ben AND Jerry

**Author's Note: I apologize that this update has taken so long. I knew that it would be a long one and I wanted to make sure I had enough time to sit down and write it all at once. Castle is back in the story and there are more developments involving the case. As always: Review Review Review.**

Beckett just enjoyed the silence during her brief hike through the woods. The ground beneath her feet was uneven and covered with fallen branches, dead vines, and dead vegetation peeking out from under the snow. Above her, rain pattered the branches in the trees.

"Can I see the hand?" she asked once she approached one of the C.S.U. techs near the M.E.'s van.

The big guy leaned inside and dug around. A group of cops shuffled around the rear of the vehicle to watch.

"Here you go," he said pulling his head out of the vehicle. He turned toward Beckett and stretched out both arms. A doctor presenting a newborn.

Beckett peered through the clear plastic while she took the gloves one of the techs handed her and snapped them on. She reached out to retrieve the bundle and then pulled her hands away. She slipped off her sunglasses and leaned closer to the bag. She quickly dug into her pocket and pulled out her phone. With just the touch of a button she began talking. "Ryan. There's a second body. One of the officers – a short guy with a ruddy face – put his foot up on the back bumper of the van. "Did the hand tell you that?"

She shot the man a glare. "Sort of." Beckett tipped her head toward the bag. "This came off a woman."

The tech inspected the hand through the plastic. He glared at Beckett. "What're you talking about?"

"The index finger, around the cuticle," she said hanging her sunglasses on her shirt.

He looked down again. After several seconds: "Son-of-a-bitch. How'd we miss it?"

"What is it?" one of the uniforms asked.

"Trace of pink polish. One thumbnail, too. Same spot. Around the cuticle. The deceased wasn't much of a manicurist."

The short cop took his foot off the bumper. His ruddy complexion turned redder. "Big deal. So maybe Judge Perve wore nail polish." For a moment, Kate could have sworn Castle was standing beside her instead of this annoying pest. Wait. What was the difference?

"Plus, that's a woman's ring."

"She's right," she the tech. "It's a fat lady's hand – not a fat fella's."

"Plus…" Beckett began.

"Another plus?" moaned the tech.

"Plus, that hand looks a tad riper than the body. The fat lady was killed before the fat fella." She mocked. "You're gonna smell her before you see her."

"Crap," spat the short cop. He turned and sprinted to one of the squads. He yanked open the door, got in, grabbed his handset. The rest of the uniforms scattered between the remaining cars.

Beckett stepped away from the van as she saw Ryan and Esposito coming towards her. She quickly gave them the run down on their latest discovery and rubbed at her eyes. "You okay, boss? What're you thinking?" Esposito asked.

"The judge. The woman. That makes two – two that we know of. Someone killed both of them. Cut their hands right off. Why? Was there someone somehow victimized by both of them? Old-fashioned revenge? We were thinking it was a vigilante thing with the judge. Could be the same for the woman. Let's say for the sake of argument the dead lady did something naughty and didn't get punished sufficiently. She's a bad mom who abused her kids. She poisoned her husband. Whatever. We add that up and what does that give us?"

"Castle."

"What?" she asked puzzled.

"A theory Castle would come up with" Ryan explained.

"What? No," she shook her head in disbelief. "That gives us two dead debits to society. Why cut off the hands though?"

"What do you mean?"

Beckett was beginning to feel the frustration. While Esposito and Ryan have worked with her a lot longer. They just were not as good at this as Castle. She was finding herself wishing he was there against her better judgment. Spewing theories with these two just didn't seem to be working.

"Why not take them as sick souvenir? That's the usual pattern. In this weirdness, the killer treats the hand like waste. Garbage."

"A message," Esposito finally answered. "A symbol of some kind.

"Maybe the hands themselves aren't the important thing. The action of cutting them off is the key. A statement about what they did. A public judgment against them" Ryan contributed.

"That narrows it down." She rolled her eyes. "We'll put out an APB for a suspect. _Believes he has the right to judge others." _

"Pretty much describes the entire human race. Except we have something else to add: The knots used to tie Archer up are pretty specific. We may be able to track down something there."

Her brows knit together "Make sure they get pictures of those knots. I want to see them."

The boys shook their heads and headed towards their car. As Beckett watched them drive away, she heard sirens. Additional squad cars were racing back to the park. She slipped her sunglasses back on her face, and looked across the parking lot to the surrounding woods. She wondered: _Who are you? Where are the right hands? _And perhaps the most important question she was trying not to ask herself. _Where is Castle? _

By 9 PM Kate was hitting her head against a wall. They still hadn't found the body. She hadn't heard from Castle. Josh continued to text her. And she couldn't find a lead on these damn knots. The boys had been right. These weren't just ordinary ties. They were done by a professional. She just couldn't figure out exactly what profession would use these specific knots.

The entire precinct had either gone home for the night or was helping with the search while Beckett stared at the words beginning to blur together on her computer screen. She stood up and fished her phone out of her pocket. Checking the screen in hopes of some contact from Castle as she walked to the break room for another cup of rejuvenation. Nothing from Castle. A few 'are you okay' and 'call me when you get a chance' texts from Josh. She continuously tried to tell herself that it wasn't worth the tears. Josh had ruined the best thing he ever had and yet 'she' was the one in pain.

She took a moment to lean against the counter and regroup her thoughts before heading back to her desk. She probably should go home and get some sleep but she wouldn't be able to. She knew that the only thing she would think about while lying in bed is Castle and her current problem with Josh. The problem that she still couldn't figure out how to address.

Just as she was about to take her seat, she heard the 'ding' of the elevator and assumed it was just Ryan and Esposito coming to personally deliver some new developments in the case. Her heart stopped – or at least it felt like that – and her lips were slightly parted in shock and confusion as Castle stepped off the elevator. He wasn't wearing his usual chipper smile. He was wearing the look he usually had when he thought she was going to kill him.

"I heard about the case…" he said handing her a cup of coffee. She didn't even pay attention to the fact that she had just given herself refill moments earlier.

Kate bit the corner of her bottom lip and gave him a small nod before turning back to her computer. "You missed all the fun parts" she deadpanned.

His head was hung low and the only thing he could think to say was "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, Castle? You are not required to be here. Today. Tomorrow. Ever." She didn't mean for her words to have so much bite to them but it had become a defense mechanism over the years.

"I was giving you space. After last night, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to be here today. Are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

Kate shot him a confused look. _What happened last night? What didn't happen last night? I almost had sex with Richard Freaking Castle in the bathroom of a bar. The same man who has been an utter annoyance to my entire existence since he stepped into my life. The man who acts his shoe size and not his age. The same man that I shouldn't have but totally fell head over heels in love with somehow. _As she fought for an answer with her mouth opening and closing every time she thought she had something to say, Rick interrupted.

The picture on the computer had caught his eye and in a usual ADD moment Rick couldn't help but zone in on it. "Is that the dead guy?"

Though confused by the change of topic, Beckett nodded.

"See how nice and neat that rope is coiled. It's a pretty good imitation of a method called 'sheer lashing.' Sailors use it to tie poles together side by side. This loop here – he pointed to the picture on the computer screen – the one by his ankles with the end of the rope threaded through it, see that?"

"Yeah."

"I'm pretty sure that's a clove hitch."

"Clove hitch," Beckett repeated. "I've heard of that."

He thumbed toward the knot tied over the shoulder blade. "And that's a double fisherman's knot. Another sailing deal."

Kate Beckett was utterly baffled. The man was gone for less than a day and yet he had just done in two seconds what Google had failed to do all day long. "How do you know all that?"

"Research" he said with a wink.

She just rolled her eyes. "So you think the killer's a man of the high seas?"

"Or thinks he's one."

"What do you mean by that?" There he goes. He had just lost her. She knew it wouldn't be long before he stopped making any sense.

"These aren't perfect renditions. And, really, there're quicker and more efficient ways to restrain a person. The sheer lashing in particular – talk about overkill. Whoever did this was showing off or really into his cordage."

"But he seems to know _something _about sailing" she corrected.

"Or fishing. Rock climbing. They have to know a lot about line. Who else? Magicians? They know about ropes. Or could be it's just a guy who likes to tie knots. Knot guys have their own clubs and magazines and newsletters."

For the first time since yesterday morning, Kate Beckett laughed. She couldn't believe how just five minutes of being in a room with this guy and she could just forget everything. If only because of his absolutely ridiculous stories and that boyish smile. "You're kidding me."

"I met this one guy in New Orleans. A river guy. Worked on a barge. What was the name of his group? "he paused. "The International Guild of Knot Tyers. Something like that. They practice tying knots and investigate new knots and have meetings about knots."

"Sounds ridiculous enough to be right up your alley. Are you sure you don't belong to this Knot Tying Guild?" she teased.

"I'm glad that I could be a point of amusement for you tonight, Detective Beckett" he said with that boyish grin in full effect.

Her gaze lingered on his smile as she thought back to the night before and how good it felt to just be without inhibitions while kissing those very same lips.

Her gaze did not go unnoticed and while Castle would have loved to make all of the sadness in her eyes disappear with a kiss, he knew it would only be temporary. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, Kate?"

The use of her first name caught her off guard. Broke her out of her trance. "Wrong?" she questioned raising her eyebrows.

"You look like you haven't sleep in days. You were really upset about something last night…" he pressed.

"Thank you for kindly telling me I look like hell" she said rolling her eyes.

"You know that isn't true. You're always gorgeous Kate." She could feel the blush creeping up from her neck.

"Castle, can we not talk about this right now?"

At that, he rose to his feet and held out his hand towards her. "Then come with me."

"I am not going into the bathroom with you again, Castle" she warned.

Rick just laughed and shook his head. "As fun as that sounds. I was thinking something more along the lines of visiting every woman's favorite two men."

Her eyebrows rose warily.

"Ben and Jerry."

There it was again. That soft melodious laugh of hers filled the room. "What do you know about Ben & Jerry's?"

"Two words. Mother and Daughter."

"Touche," she said with a nod accepting his hand.


	7. Fat Revenge

**Author's Note: Caskett Fluffyness. Thank you all for the reviews! They make me write faster. Oh! And please don't kill me for bashing a certain Franchise. The ending should make you forgive me though. As always REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

By the time the two stepped out of the grocery store, Kate had forgotten all about what's-his-face and her stomach was aching from all the laughing. Who knew going to the grocery store could be so much fun. Well, if she was honest with herself she would see it wasn't the grocery store. It was the man walking beside her. Although, there were a few times Kate feigned to not know Richard Castle. Like when he ran the cart into the display of condoms. Instead of apologizing or trying to pick up the boxes and put them away; he shrugged his shoulders and simply said "This should make a great first impression on the ladies I meet in grocery stores. Nothing says '_let's have a good time_' more than your cart looking like you have sex three times a day every day." Kate couldn't wipe the goofy grin off of her face just thinking about it.

"And the lady does remember how to smile," he teased; jabbing her playfully with his elbow on the way to the car. Try as she might, the smile won over the glare she wanted to give him.

The rest of the time spent driving back to Kate's place was spent filling Castle in on the current case. She conveniently left out the comment Esposito and Ryan had made in the park. No reason to inflate Rick's ego anymore than it already was.

Once inside Kate began rummaging around and trying to pick up the mess she had made the night before in her absence of sleep and putting her badge and gun away. Castle quickly found the kitchen and began opening and shutting drawers like he was on a mission. "What are you…" she began to ask when she was met face to face with Castle, almost colliding into him while he held two spoons in the air. "We can't eat ice cream without spoons. That is of course unless you had other ideas, detective" he said with a wiggle of the brow. Kate slapped at his arm in response and moved past him towards the kitchen. "You forgot the bowls," she said reaching up into the cabinet. She hadn't even realized the close proximity Castle had taken until she felt her hand being swatted away and the cabinet being firmly shut. "Ah ah ah" he shook his head. "You do not eat Ben & Jerry's with a bowl. Its sacrilegious or something." Kate knew he was saying something but she couldn't quite make out the words. Her concentration was working overtime to keep her manners in check with how unbelievably close Castle stood behind her. She wanted badly to lean back against his chest and act like it was normal but she knew that it was not a good idea after how close they came to making that mistake last night.

She snaked around him and snatched the Cherry Garcia off the counter and made a move towards the living room. When Castle joined her he did a 180 degree spin as if he were looking for something. "No movies?" Beckett scoffed at the thought. "I'm a homicide detective. I don't have time for movies." Castle made himself comfortable on the couch and Beckett crouched down to look in the cabinet beneath her TV. "I'm sure I can find something around here…" she fidgeted. Castle found the scene amusing but simply reached his hand out to hers, pulling her down beside him with a yelp. "We will find something on Pay-Per-View." He held out the spoon for her and she looked warily at him before taking it and tossing him the remote. "If you even think about putting porn on my TV, I will shoot you – LITERALLY."

"Give me a little bit of credit, Detective. I am enough of a gentleman to enjoy those moments privately."

Beckett rolled her eyes and tried to hide the smile that was making the corner of her lips twitch. Oh how she longed to be the one in those private moments. Not some slutty bimbos in two-dimension. She peeled open the lid on the ice cream and smelled the frozen aroma. Junk food really was a universal medicine. While Castle flipped through the channels, Kate made herself acquainted with the frozen treat. She almost choked when Castle flipped on one of the Twilight Saga movies. She wasn't sure which one it was but she found the entire franchise repulsive. "Are you okay?" Rick jumped into action, rubbing small circles on her back. The small gesture made her want to shake her head 'no' just so he would keep doing it. Instead she nodded her head and snatched the remote from his hand. "I am not watching this…Although, shamefully, I am not surprised that you would."

Castle gave her his best puppy dog look and grabbed the tub of ice cream from her grasp. "Fine. You can pick, just stop bogarting the ice cream."

"Bogarting? Are you trying to call me fat, Castle?" she teased.

Rick furiously shook his head in response. He threw his hands up in surrender and tried to stumble out an answer. That question was every man's worst nightmare. There was absolutely no way to win that argument. If he said yes, he would die. If he said no, she would assume she was too thin and he would still end up dead. Kate had to cover her mouth to muffle the laugh. She finally settled on 'The Expendables' and leaned back. Her shoulder made contact with the inside of his arm and without thinking she settle right into the crook of his shoulder as they took turns dipping their spoons into the ice cream.

Sometime during the movie, Rick's arm had found its way around Kate's shoulder and he tugged her closer to his chest. She stifled the moan of pleasure threatening to release itself and eyed his hand out of the corner of her eye. Rick was so into the movie he hadn't even noticed that she was staring at him. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to take him right there on the couch, but she knew she had to figure out all of the emotions and wounds Josh had left her the night before. She knew that she had to move or she would all too easily do something she might regret.

She dug her spoon into the tub of ice cream and flicked the spoon in a sling shot motion. Castle jumped up off the couch, almost knocking her right off of it. Ice cream slid down his cheek and he looked like he had just seen a ghost. Kate couldn't stop laughing. She tried to talk through the fits of laughter but all Rick could make out was "Payback" and "Fat". Once the shock wore off Rick decided that two could play that game. Digging his hand into the ice cold treat, he stepped towards her with his hand held out and ready for his own form of revenge. Kate's hands flew in the air and she backed away, standing up on the couch and trying to find some way out of the corner she had backed herself into. "Richard Castle, if you dare…" she was quickly cut off when she felt the ice cream dripping off of her chin. Her mouth gaped open and she just stared at him for a moment in disbelief. She wiped at the cream that was quickly melting into a sticky mess and licked it off of her fingers seductively. If she was trying to make Rick squirm, it was working. He tried to take a deep breath and will away the emotions her simple act was stirring in his nether region. He swallowed…HARD and then before he knew it Kate was moving faster than lightning and the next thing he remembered was ice cream all over the front of his very expensive dress shirt. If it had been any other person, Rick would have thrown a spoiled rich boy fit but looking at how adorable she looked back towards the kitchen counter, grabbing at her stomach in a giggling fit – he just smiled. This woman would be the death of him – of that he was sure. Kate didn't even notice Rick unbuttoning his shirt until he was shrugging it off of his arms and his chest was exposed to the warmth of her apartment. It was her turn to swallow. The look behind his eyes mixed with mischief and adoration made the laughter stop and she just froze. Her eyes searched for some answer in his face. What was he doing? What was he going to do? He just kept walking torturously slow towards her and even though her mind was screaming run, her feet were planted firmly to the floor where she stood as if they were incased in cement blocks. She looked up at him warily once he was standing directly in front of her and instead of leaning down to kiss her, he pushed her hair out of the way and whispered in her ear. His hot breath sending a chill down her spine. "If you wanted to get me naked, Kate. All you had to do was ask." The little whimper she had tried to control earlier made its way out into the open and she just prayed Rick had not caught on. She was finding it hard to stay standing on her own two feet, the kitchen counter being the only thing holding her up. She felt the air by her ear run cold and realized the loss of contact. Rick stood up straight again and the two locked eyes. Blue Eyes on Green, she thought: _This is it. I won't be able to stop if it happens now. Here. In my apartment. _

Before either of them could move forward with what was certainly inevitable, Kate looked over Rick's shoulder and saw the front door opening. Her first instinct was the grab her gun but Rick hadn't heard the door and firmly trapped her in place. The lust evident in his eyes. "Castle…" she whispered. "Rick!" she tried more firmly and pushed at his chest as she saw the familiar face standing at her door. Horror spread throughout her facial expressions and Rick tried to control the lump in his throat as he looked over his shoulder at none other than Kate's boyfriend. In their current predicament – this was not good!


	8. Breaking Becks

Castle turned back to look at Kate. He had seen the look on Kate's face and in all honesty it was unnerving.

She looked back at Castle and frowned before turning her attention back to Josh. She could see the fire in his eyes and although Kate Beckett was no meek mouse, she was glad that Castle was there. She wasn't sure why she hadn't broken up with him yet. She had been postponing breaking up with him since last night and if it weren't for that moment, she may have continued that cycle. Now, standing in her kitchen with Rick she was finally realizing that Josh was all wrong for her to begin with. They had based their relationship – if you could even call it that – on comfort. Their jobs were demanding and they understood the lack of time for each other. Realizing the other night that she was a damned fool for thinking that a guy like Josh could be serious about her was what brought her the most pain. He was the quarter back of the football team and she was just the shy girl with a guarded heart. When she saw that the stereo-typical McDreamy existed she wanted to vomit for falling for his act. He was a hot shot cardiac surgeon who drove a motorcycle. As a detective, she should have seen that as a red flag from the beginning. She should have known that he wasn't being honest with her. She should have foreseen a lot of things that she was in denial about. Castle was one of them. Josh was just a warm body. He was a substitute for a man that he couldn't even fathom adding up to.

The three of them were silent for a long while; trying to process the scene before them. Castle was half naked, Kate was looking quite disheveled after their ice cream war, and Josh was standing by the door looking nearly homicidal.

Kate had opened her mouth a couple of times with quivering lips as she tried to form some sort of word or sound. She had never had a panic attack before but she was sure that it felt something like this. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute, her palms were sweaty, she forgot how to speak, and all she wanted to do was run out the window.

Josh's nostrils flared and he tried to choke down the insistent need to punch Richard Castle in the face. "What the hell, Becks!" his voice finally boomed through the small apartment.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped back, finally finding her voice.

"You don't want me to call you all the other names that are running through my head at the moment. You said nothing was going on between you and writer monkey!" he screamed walking a few steps towards them.

Kate knew that Castle could handle himself; he had shown her that on a few occasions but this was her mess and if Josh continued – Castle would become a casualty of their war. She squeezed his bicep and walked around him. "Maybe I should go…" he said under his breath, intending for Kate to be the only one to hear.

"There is a novel idea. No pun intended of course." The sarcasm dripped from Josh's lips like turpentine.

"No." Her word was simple, short, and direct. "No" she repeated. "Josh and have been over since last night. You did nothing wrong. If anyone is unwelcome here, it's him!" The look in her eyes could have sliced through to the soul. If this jackass thought he had any right to try to kick Castle out of her life, relationship or not, he was about to get one sore reality check.

"Did he know that?"

"Last night? I haven't even seen you since yesterday morning and then I come here tonight and find you about to WHORE it up with this clown?"

"Watch it buddy…" Castle began to step forward but Kate placed her hand on his chest and blocked his path to Josh. She didn't need Castle defending her honor. She was a big girl.

"Don't you dare make this about him…" she seethed. Her voice was low and the anger poured out of every syllable. "You've been threatened by him since the moment you met him. I shrugged it off as being normal. After all he was a guy doing nothing short of stalking my life for a living. That's not it though, is it Josh? You're jealous! You're threatened by him! You knew that you could never own up to half the man that Richard Castle is. Mr. Hot-Shot Cardiac Surgeon couldn't measure up to a meager writer, is that it? He shook every fiber of your pride. If you weren't such a fucking asshole – you would know that I have never been dishonest with you about Castle. Dishonest with myself – hell yeah! But not with you. Castle is ten times the man that you will ever be because you are nothing but a cheating bastard!" She was screaming at full decibel as her eyes glazed over with all the hurt and confusion the jerk had left in his wake. "I want you out of my apartment! I want you out of my life!" She tried to keep a stone cold gaze in spite of the tears that were burning the back of her eyelids. She would not allow him to see her break. He wasn't worthy of anything she had to give.

The tightening of Josh's fist did not go unnoticed by Castle's keen eye on the situation. His jaw tightened and after hearing that Josh cheated on the one woman he wanted more than life itself. He was begging for the bastard to make one wrong move. He had been awestruck by the woman before him since the moment he met her. He has wanted to be a part of her life so badly that he began writing books based off of her and shamelessly using his connections to snake his way into her life. The one woman resistant to all of his boyish charms and the most extraordinarily gorgeous, witty, smart, and whole-hearted woman he had ever met. Then this bastard has her. He had the woman of Castle's dreams right under his thumb. The thought that this man could share a bed with her, explore every inch of her unbelievably sexy body, and then cheat on her made his blood boil.

Josh didn't take a step towards either of them. Instead he picked up the nearest fragile thing he could find and threw it against the wall in pure rage. The shattering sound caused Kate to flinch and Castle couldn't just stand there and watch this any longer. "Get the hell out of here before I shove one of your scalpels up your ass!" It wasn't very often that Castle raised his voice or got angry so this was a side of him that Kate was seeing for the very first time and she wasn't sure what to think of it.

"You've fucked with the wrong guy…" Josh pointed at Kate before opening the door and slamming it shut behind him.

Castle lunged forward to go after him but was stopped dead in his tracks by a sound coming from behind him. Kate held her stomach as she slid down the cabinet, pulling her knees into her chest as the tears came in waves of sobbing. Her entire body shook with emotion and Castle completely forgot about Dr. McDouchey as he made his way quickly to her side. He crouched down and grabbed the back of her head and pushed her into his chest. Kate didn't even care that he was seeing her like this. He was the only person in the world that she could be herself around. The good and the bad were no exception to the rule. She grabbed at his biceps like a lifesaver and her sobs continued to rack her body with no signs of relief. Castle wrapped his arms tightly around her and sat down on the floor with her. As cliché as it was, he wished he could take all of that hurt on himself if it meant he could see her smile like she had earlier. He kissed the top of her head as he pulled her into his lap and he knew that words wouldn't help, not even the eloquence of his best-selling mind. She would talk when she was ready and until then, this is exactly where he would stay.


	9. Damned Fool

**Author's Note: I just wanted to let you guys know that every time I get a new review, I begin to daydream about what I want the next element of the story to be. It's like a trigger. Here is a long one and probably one of my favorite chapters so far. Although Kate flipping out on Josh **_**was **_**special! Can't wait to hear what you all think. Oh yeah – once again – Blackberry carpal tunnel has set in. Please don't shoot me if there are too many mistakes. And I have a question…Castle was married three times, right? Cheated on twice?**

Rick didn't know how long the two of them stayed this way. It seemed like eternity of having to watch the pain flood through her. If it weren't for his pride he could have wept right along with her for that sole reason only. He stroked her hair as the sobbing subsided out of pure exhaustion. Even though the sobbing had stopped and the room was silent neither of them could bring themselves to move. The intimacy of the moments felt so comfortable and right. Castle stroked his hand softly through her curls and rested his chin on top of her head, determined to stay there as long as she wanted.

Kate's face was buried into his chest. It was wet with the remnants of her salty tears. She felt herself drifting off into a comfortable slumber but realized something that made her slowly pull back from his embrace. She looked him in the eyes, her mouth slighting opened as it had been after their kiss outside the warehouse. She held his gaze, her eyes bloodshot, her cheeks flushed, and her mascara streaking down her face and yet she still looked absolutely beautiful to him. He pulled his hand away from her hair and pressed the pad of his thumb to her cheekbone, wiping away the last of the tears and the run of mascara it had caused.

Before anything could be said a mixture of shame and shyness made her turn her head down and away. She couldn't believe she had crumbled like a baby and in front of someone no less. Not just someone. Him. Although it hadn't been the first time she still felt embarrassed. With a sniffle she removed herself from his embrace and stood up. Castle's face fell when he realized that she wouldn't even look at him. Just a moment ago he had been her life boat and now it was as if he wasn't in the room as she moved around the apartment tidying things as if nothing had happened. He stood up confused as he watched her.

"Um...I should get this cleaned up. I'm sure Alexis is wondering where you are." She cleared her throat and leaned down to pick at the pieces of shattered ceramic sprayed across the room in the wake of Josh's anger.

With his mouth slightly parted and his eyebrows tightly knit together he looked around the room as if the walls had the answer to what the hell had just happened. Or maybe he was looking for something to cling to so that he wouldn't have to leave her side. He took a long inhalation and let out a ragged breath as he stepped towards her.

She felt his presence as he came nearer, inch by inch but it didn't stop her from flinching when he leaned down and touched her arm. The gesture was soft and meant to be a sign that he would not be so easy to chase away but when she stiffened at his touch she quickly wished she could take it back.

"Alexis knows where I am" he whispered softly and moved his hand to push away the pesky strand of hair that was obstructing her vision. It wasn't like she was actually paying attention to what was in front of her to begin with. That was until Castle pointed out the dark red liquid trickling down her hand. "Kate, you're bleeding."

She snapped out of her daydream and quickly noticed that the shard of ceramic in her hand left more than just a mark on the inside of her palm when she flinched.

"Here, let me pick this up. Go take care of your hand."

Her body shifter and her head swung around towards him, their eyes meeting for the first time since she had pulled away from him earlier. "Castle! I'm fine. I don't want to do this right now."

"Which is why I just offered to clean it up for you..."

She wanted to smack him upside his head for not getting the picture. "No. This!" She explained, motioning between the two of them. "Us! I can't do this right now." She stood up and made her way towards the drawer holding the hand towels and grabbed one, pressing it against her hand. She turned away from his eyes once again as she tried to hide the pain she was enduring just trying to put herself back together. The damn hand burned like fire but she needed that control back. She was determined to act like nothing had ever happened. She wanted to be that strong, unshakeable, extraordinary woman Castle went on and on about. She knew that breaking down like this did not qualify.

When Castle got up and walked towards her, she didn't flinch this time. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gently tried to turn her in his direction. "He's a fool" was all he said when their eyes met again. He quickly saw what a bad conversation starter that was when she shrugged his hand away from her shoulder.

"If anyone is a fool here, it's me. I should have known. I should have seen this coming. I'm a detective for God's sake" she scoffed. "I should have known this relationship couldn't go anywhere. I should have known..."

"That he was all wrong for you?" Castle interrupted.

She hung her head low and nodded.

"You're an amazing damn detective, Kate and an even more amazing woman. Don't forget that you are only human though. You don't have to pretend with me. You already have my respect and admiration. Nothing is going to change that. And if that means that you need to fall apart, you are more than welcome to do it in my arms. If you need to hit, scream, or curse at someone - I would prefer it be Josh - but I will take that too." He gave her that boyish grin and she couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of her lips.

"I will go if that is what you really want. So what will it be?" He stood there feeling more naked and vulnerable than just being shirtless. He feared that she would tell him to go. That she no longer wanted him in her life. That she blamed him for the demise of her relationship. He would however comply with her wishes because he refused to be any further object of pain for her.

"And if I don't?" Her voice was rough and her eyes had an innocence to them that reminded him of Bambi. His mother had died at well, he silently thought to himself.

"Then we can make good use of those handcuffs of yours. OR I could just be here." The twinkle of mischief in his eyes made her want to laugh but instead she replaced it with a warning glare.

"After all that, you still think I am going to sleep with you?" She scoffed.

"Who said anything about sleep?" He teased. She just rolled her eyes and slapped his bare chest as she walked around him, trying to hide the school girl grin.

He turned and watched her make her way to the couch. The smile on his face was in appreciation of his success in making her sadness disappear if for only a moment. Yep. He was a goner he thought as he followed her lead.

Kate took her seat on the couch with her legs crossed underneath her. When he saw her looking anywhere but at the TV and biting at her nails, he knew that she was back to thinking about her cheating ex-bastard. He sat down next to her and watched her for a moment before snaking his arm around her and pulling her into his side. "I'm sorry..." She whispered under her breath.

"I thought we just went..." Before he could finish his sentence she chimed in again. "You went through this twice and I finally know what you must have felt like." She looked up at him the best that she could in her current position. Rick shook his head and looked down at her. "I would do it all over again."

She looked confused as he ran his hand up and down her arm. "If it weren't for that, I would have met the extraordinary KB." His smile twinkled triumphantly above her as she bit her lip and blushed into his chest.

"Stop doing that..." She whispered.

"Doing what?"

"Making me smile when I obviously want to wallow in my self-pity and try to figure out what the hell just happened."

Castle's lip turned up and he placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head. "Did you mean it?" He asked in a voice that told so many stories of insecurity.

"Mean what?"

"That we weren't going to sleep together" he replied sarcastically. "What you said to Josh."

She didn't want to talk about Josh. She wanted to forget about him; as unrealistic as that sounds.  
She meant every word. Every syllable. Every emotion. She meant it because he meant something to her and no man or woman was going to try to push this unexpectedly amazing man from her life out of jealousy or anything else. You get Kate Beckett, you get Richard Castle. It was as simple as that. She had never trusted someone so completely in her life and although she wouldn't admit to it. She was in love with him. Every quirk, charm, annoying trait, and more. If in better circumstances she may have been ready to admit that to herself but at this moment, Josh had pushed her back an eternity's worth of progress on her view of love.

Instead of answering him she simply untangled herself from his unbelievably comfortable embrace and stood up, turning to look at him. "You want to sleep with me Castle? Come on" she said offering her hand out to him.

Rick was completely dumbfounded. He didn't know what to say. Was she propositioning him? He was only joking. He would have jumped up and done the Macarena if she had said that at any other time but he couldn't accept her offer. "Kate, I was joking. I can't. Not after..."

Once again he was cut off when the perfectly formed lips of hers began moving again. "Shut up Rick!" She teased and grabbed his hand, pulling him up and towards the stairs. He didn't know what the heck just happened but the lump in his throat was becoming very hard to swallow as he followed her. When they reached the bedroom and she turned around, she had to laugh at the look on his face. He looked like a cross between a sixteen year old about to experience his first orgasm and a panting dog, ready to pounce.

"You can breathe Castle. When I said sleep, I meant sleep. I'm exhausted and you are determined to stay. No sense in sleeping on the couch." She motioned toward the bed and though he tried to hide it, she snickered at the disappointment in his features. Sleeping while not what he expected he knew that she wanted him to hold her, be a source of comfort even if she couldn't say the words. If that was what she wanted, he would take it. Although not a fantasy of his, he would forever stay celibate if it meant he could just be in her presence. Be allowed to share moments like this and be this intimately close with her.

He leaned back against the headboard and watched her as she opened a few dresser drawers and pulled out something to sleep in. He was about to make a joke about her leaving him alone in the room to find all her dirty little secrets while she got dressed but everything but air got stuck in his throat as she began undressing. She may not have been looking at him, but she knew what she was doing to him and it gave her a sense of empowerment that she hadn't felt in the past few days. Her red lace bra and matching underwear exposed completely to his view and all he could do was watch in awe. Before he knew it she was dressed and removing the bra from under her shirt before pulling back the covers and crawling in beside him. "Your jaw is on the floor Castle, you might wanna pick it up before spiders lay eggs in it" she said evenly without even looking at him with her back to him as she settled in.

"Yeah! Definitely a damned fool" he mouthed to himself as she reached over and shut the light off. He didn't say a word as he sat there in the silence. He wanted to get comfortable and wrap his arms around her like this was something they did all the time but he was a bit afraid that she would break his kneecaps.

"Castle?" She groaned turning over to face him.

"Hmm?"

"I don't have cooties."

That was all it took. He reached out and snaked his arm under her pillow and pressed her to his chest, his other hand playing with tiny strands of her hair as she buried her head into the crook of his neck. Her arm found its way across him sometime after her breathing evened and he couldn't even think about sleep. He just lay there silently, stroking her hair and occasionally placing feather light kisses to the top of her head. "He had no clue what he had" he whispered into her hair before he finally thought about how Kate would consider him watching her sleep creepy and tried to close his eyes knowing that sleep would not come easy that night. Not with this goddess lying on top of him.


	10. Playboys, Gambling, and Kenny Rogers?

**Author's Note: I just put this up tonight and did not realize all the typos in it so I took it down to fix them. I apologize, I really shouldn't type on my blackberry, LOL! So here it is guys. The Smut you have all been waiting for. Huge chapter. Please review and I will continue to day dream this story up at work. In case you haven't noticed. I am totally winging this. It took on a life of its own chapters ago. Oh and THANK YOU ****HeatXWave10****for setting my facts straight. Now read away…**

As the first rays of sun penetrated through the windows, Rick began to stir. A content smile upon his face as he turned to look at the bedside clock. He had finally achieved slumber around 4:30 and realized that only three hours had passed since then. He prayed for sleep to retake him so that he could get back to the nirvana of his dream when he felt his arm begin to tingle. He made an effort to move it and realized he was not alone. He wasn't even in his own room. As a small groan passed through his company's lips he realized that the stranger in bed with him wasn't a stranger at all. It wasn't a dream at all. Kate Beckett had her leg locked between his and her hand was splayed across his chest. She looked so peaceful and downright adorable as she slept. He didn't want to wake her but his arm was beginning to ache under her weight. He shifted slightly, attempting to untangle himself without disturbing her but she began to stir.

When her eyes fluttered open, Rick was holding his breath. He looked nervous when she began to realize her surroundings. She quickly jumped up, forgetting all about last night's events for a moment. She looked up at him, their mouths only inches apart. She didn't speak and he was afraid that if he did, she would murder him. She looked down at their legs entangle between each other and blushed.

"So cheekies it is?" A gruff voice filled the room.

Kate looked up at him through bedroom eyes, a bit confused by the random comment. "What?" Her voice came out soft and laced with sleep.

"Nothing," he returned with a smile. "Good morning." As quickly as Rick thought he recovered, Kate had untangled her leg from his and lifted it over to the opposite side of his body. Castle was flabbergasted as he looked up at her. He was completely losing his train of thought as she leaned down and whispered in his ear. "I couldn't exactly sleep nude." She smiled and lifted herself up off of him and the bed. His mouth dropped as he watched her saunter out of the room trying to hide the grin on her face. How did this woman not realize how beautiful she really was? He leaned up on his elbows and watched her hips subtly sway out of the room before dramatically dropping back into the pillows. He took a few deep breaths and patted his lap like he was trying to calm a child. When he finally gathered his thoughts long enough to function, he made his way downstairs to follow her lead. He found Kate bent over, rummaging through the contents of her very bare fridge. He placed his elbows on the island and didn't even attempt to hide the dreamy look on his face as he mentally outlined the image of her derriere in his mind. He jumped when she turned around but his efforts to hide what he was doing were not lost on her. When he finally looked over to the counter behind her he saw a box of cereal and couple of bowls.

"I don't have a personal shopper or anything so you are going to have to settle for cereal…if you intend to stay."

Rick sat up as if he were offended. "Why wouldn't I? Intend to stay, that is" he corrected when he realized how that could be taken a couple of different ways.

Kate shrugged her shoulders and leaned back against the fridge as she fiddled with the cap on the milk. "You've done your best friend duties here. It's the next day. You leave and go home to your mother and Alexis and I pray that you forget you even saw me like that last night."

"You're really good at that" he said casually.

Kate looked up, down, and around to see what it was she was doing. She looked at him and nodded for him to explain.

"Deflecting, sending mixed signals, trying to hide behind that casual look."

"I am not..." She began to protest before being interrupted.

"We kissed and while it was a ploy to get one of the Corleone brothers to let down his guard, you know there was more to it. I'm assuming the night you practically mauled me at..."

"I did not maul you. You were just as..."

They were getting good at this. Interrupting each other. "I'm assuming that it was the night you began referring to Josh as a cheating bastard, but I may be wrong since you still have yet to elaborate on what the heck happened last night."

"Castle..." She warned. She didn't like where this was going. She didn't want to have to explain or rehash that night.

"Then last night you finally break up with 'The Cheating Bastard', as you so eloquently put it. Boost my ego off the Richter scale. Then I spent the entirety of last night holding you while you fell asleep and I am supposed to what? Pretend it never happened?"

"Rick..." She warned again, this time using his first name a little too breathily for her liking.

"No! Kate..." He reciprocated her words as he walked around the counter, closing the distance between the two of them. She held her breath, afraid of his next move and even more of her lack of self-control the past few days.

"I had you in my arms last night and it felt natural and right and with all your years as one of New York's finest; and I do mean FINEST you can't say that there isn't something more going on here." She was speechless; she didn't know how to reply to his impromptu monologue and she wished what he was saying wasn't true.

"I got a glimpse into what felt like a recurring dream last night and I can't, no, I won't pretend that it isn't something I wouldn't want to do more often." He reached his hand out and smoothed her hair behind her ears. He could hear her breath hitch at the contact and so desperately wanted to do more. He wouldn't though. Not unless it was what she wanted.

"I can't risk it." She said softly, hanging her head low. She couldn't look at him. If she looked into his eyes again she feared she would lose herself in them.

"Risk what?"

"Jumping into bed with you. With another renowned playboy. Josh was well - Josh. He was a distraction. A good time. He was safe and look what happened with that. You unfortunately saw that last night. You...you're my partner, my best friend, someone I trust and if..." She had to take a deep breath because if she didn't, she knew she might break again.

Rick watched her fight her inner battle intently and stayed silent. He wanted to let her say her peace. Even if it could possibly be the exact words he didn't want to hear.

"If I crossed that line. If WE crossed that line. The risk is too high. Look, the house always wins and it would take the one relationship I could always count on with it." The kitchen suddenly felt way too small.

"Are you going to start quoting Kenny Rogers soon?" He tried to make light of the situation. It was the only way he knew how. Kate Beckett wasn't the only person in the room with insecurities.

Rolling her eyes, looking at the ceiling in frustration, she wanted to laugh.

"House doesn't win if you aren't gambling. Not when it's a sure thing. I have a past and I can't help that. There is nothing I can do to change it. I got Alexis out of that past and I wouldn't change that for anything but if I would have known this is where I would be standing right now I would try like hell to erase some of it."

Kate's eyes began to water and her heart began to ache. It wasn't often that people got to see this side of him and yet, here he was. The sincerity in his eyes making her tear up.

"I would really like to kiss you right now, Kate."

She bit her lip as her eyes lingered on his. She looked up into his eyes and she knew it was only a matter of time before they came to this point. The weight of this bearing down on her was suffocating her and she couldn't move from that spot. She stood up on her tip toes and placed her hand behind his neck, pulling his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and chaste. It wasn't like the one outside of the warehouse. It wasn't like the one at The Old Haunt. It was filled with innocence, sincerity, and emotion that they had spent all too long trying to push to the back of their minds. His hand ran along her waist and rested on the small of her back. His hand slid up to her cheek and the entire world melted away. Every image or memory of Josh, Gina, Demming, Natalie and every other obstacle that had gotten in their way of this happening sooner no longer existed.

When the need for air became too much they reluctantly had to pull away. Of course Rick was the first voice to cut through the thick air surrounding them.

"I was going to offer taking you out to breakfast but I'm glad I didn't. I don't think you would have allowed me to do this..." He leaned forward and began leaving tiny nips at the sensitive skin behind her ear. "...in public."

Kate bit her lip and grinned as her head leaned to the side, allowing him better access. She inhaled sharply as his tongue darted out to lick her pulse point. After what seemed like an excruciating eternity their lips met again. She playfully nipped at his lower lip, eliciting a playful smile from the both of them. Running his tongue over her top lip, they melted against one another. Their breathing became ragged and their teeth scraped and clanged together as they both sought to be closer. To delve deeper into whatever it was they were experiencing. A tingle went through Kate's core as the heat between her legs began to trickle onto her thigh, drenching the lace cheekies Castle had already received a sneak peek of. Her hands spread across his bare chest. Her palms feeling every muscle from his abs to his shoulders. Rick's hand slid down the curve of her shoulder blade and rested on the curve of her hip as he pinned her against the counter. When her arms wrapped themselves around his neck, he took the time took explore upwards, tracing the slight curve where the outside of her breasts and her rib cage met. He moved his mouth towards her ear again as his hands dropped down to play with the hem of her nightshirt. As if there was another presence in the room, her arms involuntarily rose above her head and Rick lifted her shirt up over her head torturously slow.

When her arms were freed of the cotton material they slumped back down to focus on his belt. She fiddled around with it, attempting to get rid of it. With her eyes locked on his, she couldn't pay attention to the contraption. She finally made work of ridding the leather belt as she groaned to the feel of the nip Castle gave her shoulder. She slid the belt out of the loops and threw it to the floor, raising one of her arms to hook it around his neck once more.

She curved a finger into one of belt loops and tugged him closer. His erection pressing against her hip making the wanton need to kiss him more prevalent. She pulled back to get his attention back on her lips and placed two hands on either sides of his cheeks. Her hips bucked forward and his hands slid down over her hips, grabbing at her ass and kneading it in her hands before lifting her up onto the counter behind her.

She began teasing his earlobe as she made quick work of the button on his jeans. His head jerked up and he groaned to the ceiling at the first touch of her hand surrounding his throbbing erection. Kate smiled and began to lightly knead him in her hand as her mouth latched on to one of his nipples and began to leave tiny nips over his Pecs.

Rick rand his hand down through the valley of her breasts with his index finger and slipped his hand under the cup of her bra. He rubbed his thumb in slow circles, feeling the buds harden at the touch.

Just as Kate was sliding her hand down to cup his balls, she felt his hand grab her wrist and he didn't have to say a word for her to understand what he meant.

Their lips crashed together sloppily as he reached behind her to find the clasp of her bra. "It's in the front" she tried to say in between kisses and unsnapped it herself. The fabric flew apart and Rick ran his tongue over her collarbone, his hands massaging the globes. They weren't huge and fake like some of the women he had been with. They we're enough to fill his hands and anymore would have been a waste. His tongue latched on to one and she yelped when he bit at the soft tissue around the areola. His hands played with the band of her sweatpants as her legs wrapped around the small of his back so that he could lift her just long enough to shed her of the offending garment. His hands slid back up her smooth legs and squeezed at her ass once more as he picked her up again sliding off the underwear he would have to marvel at another time. He knew he wouldn't be able to slow down and do such right now.

Once the last garment had left her body, realization set in. Detective Kate Beckett was completely naked and it was all for him. The train of thought was lost again as she pulled his aching cock out of his boxers and looked him square in the eyes. The lust and desire in her eyes were stuff only men could dream of.

His hand slid from the top of her hip down the curve to the most forbidden prize he could have dreamed for. His passion kicked up a notch when he realized that the dripping wetness there was all for him. He teased the opening of her pussy with his index finger and lightly brushed over her aching clit. The mewling sound coming from her lips was surely what the music in heaven sounded like. He plunged two fingers into her and felt her back stiffen as her hips nearly left the counter. Her legs opened wider as if he had said the magic words and her hips bucked back as he pounded his fingers into her wetness. The sounds of pleasure began bouncing off every wall in the room as he brought her closer to the edge. The pure unbridled passion on her face made his cock twitch as her walls clenched around his fingers like a vice and a shudder ran through her entire body.

He pulled his fingers from her and she grabbed his wrist, bringing his fingers to her lips. Her tongue swirled around them as she tasted herself. He let out a moan and was sure it was the sexiest sight he had ever seen.

Instead of the allotted time he gave to women to come down from their high that they usually needed, Kate was rearing and ready to go. She lifted her hips off the counter and bucked towards his engorged cock. She was no ordinary woman. She was absolutely insatiable. He grabbed her calf and lifted her leg over his shoulder, placing himself at her entrance. He watched her eyes barely able to stay open as he slowly slid inside of her. He stayed there for a moment to allow her to get used to his size but she began bucking against him and he knew that he wouldn't be able to last long if she continued to do that. He drew himself out of her and plunged back in with full force. She screamed out in pleasure as he grunted his own appreciation. Their bodies made a smacking noise as he held her thigh close to his chest and she held her knee to the side. As her tits bounced at a feverish pace she brought her hands up to them, kneading them in her own hands.

Her squeals became louder and so did his as the both of them came closer to the edge with every pounding thrust.

Kate's vision went blurry and her orgasm spread through her like a wild fire. She placed her hands against the wall behind her, looking for anything to hold onto as Rick rode her wave out; before feeling himself burst. He continued in small slow motions as they both tried to recoup from their high. His mouth searching for hers. Their kisses were tired and sloppy as the movements began to stop but the ever so quiet mewing from Kate's lips continued. Rick didn't know if he could continue to stand much longer as he let out a ragged breath. He slowly slid out of her, never breaking eye contact. Mentally replaying every sound and look of pleasure that he had just seen and heard.

Neither of them said a word as Rick tried to situate himself and the side of Kate's face lay against the side of the fridge next to her. The cool of the metal relieving the sweat that had formed there.

Neither of them knew exactly what to say to break the silence.

"That was..." Rick began breathlessly.

"Yeah..." Kate nodded as she continued to pant. "I need a cigarette..."

Rick's head shot up to look at her. "But you don't smoke."

"Exactly..." She answered with a smile as Rick walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.


	11. Dead End

**Author's Note: **I apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter up. Things have been a little crazy with work but I promise I am going to try and get more up soon. Enjoy reading and as always – please review.

In her post-orgasmic state, Kate was too relaxed to notice how completely exposed and vulnerable she was sitting on top of her kitchen counter with nothing on but a tired grin. Her body simply melted into the inviting arms Castle wrapped around her. She took in the scent of his cologne that faintly lingered in the fibers of his hair and let out a small gasp as his teeth clawed at the sensitive space behind her ear. She knew that they should really probably talk about what just happened here. What was actually still happening here but she didn't have the strength to form the words. She closed her eyes at the pleasurable feelings that continued to course through her body when the sound of her alarm began blaring in the bedroom. She stiffened and looked at the stairs. "I should probably…" she began pointing towards the bedroom. Rick simply smiled and nodded; helping her down off the counter with little effort. When the air finally hit her naked body she froze for a moment, finally realizing how exposed she was. She shouldn't have been embarrassed after everything that just took place but her modesty won over and a blush crept up her cheeks. She made a small effort to shield herself from the cool air but quickly forgot about it when she felt a hand on her forearm. She swung back around to face Castle's charming grin. He placed a finger underneath her chip and softly brought his lips to hers. How did he do that? Anticipate what she was thinking before she could even voice it.

He could see the war waging with every goose bump on her slender body. He wanted her to be comfortable in her own skin. He couldn't believe that she was completely clueless to how beautiful she really was. Naked or in clothing, it didn't make a difference.

Her eyes fluttered from his lips up to his eyes and she couldn't help but smile. If it weren't for the incessant nagging of her alarm, she probably would have jumped him again, right there. She pushed her hair behind her ear and pivoted towards the stairs.

Castle wanted to follow her. The only problem with that was; with their new found intimacy, they would just end up christening her bedroom in the same manner of the kitchen. He wanted to save that for another time. On instinct he thought about making breakfast when he spotted the corn flakes and the unused bowls on the counter. "Kate!" he bellowed up the stairs. "Did you want to go out for breakfast?" Before he could get an answer he saw her barreling down the stairs in her bra and work pants as she fought to put her shirt on while keeping her ear to her cell phone. "Yeah, yeah…we…I'll go pick up Castle and I'll be right there." With the snap of her phone she immediately let out a few choice words. "Shit…God Castle – do you have to be so loud?" As she tugged her shirt over her head she just shook her head. "What am I saying? Of course you do."

Castle was confused. "I'm confused. Just a moment ago…" he began pointing towards the kitchen counter.

"NOT THAT!" she snapped, cutting him off. "That was Ryan and I'll be lucky if he didn't hear you screaming about breakfast. And then I…Oh god…let's just go. They have something on the hand."

"Don't you think I should go home and change?" he pressed.

"Castle! You were MIA yesterday. No one will no. Stop being such a girl and get your shirt on…"

"Talk about doing things on a deadline…" he mumbled.

"Excuse me?" she shot daggers his way.

"Oh nothing" he feigned innocence as he found his shirt in the living room and began putting it on. "Ummm…Detective?" he questioned as she began searching for her right shoe.

"What!" she said turning around and noticing the giant ice cream stain on the front of his shirt. "Dammit…fine hurry up. We will stop on our way to the 12th."

Castle was like a little child all the way to the precinct. He kept on wanting to touch her or hold her hand or sneak nibbles behind her ear until finally she had to threaten him with bodily harm in order for him to stop.

"One more inappropriate gesture in public and I will permanently maim you from doing what it is you are trying to do" she said through gritted teeth in the empty elevator. He willfully gave her a three step space on that note. "I do not need the entire world knowing my business and knowing you – this will end up on page six or something" she said a bit frazzled just before the doors of the elevator dinged open.

Beckett strode quickly into the precinct, leaving Castle trying to keep up with her long strides. She walked straight to the break room. She needed coffee. Castle…erm…her morning was too busy for coffee and she was beginning to get a caffeine headache. She motioned for the boys to follow her once she got her attention and without looking at either began to grill them. "So what did you find on the hand…" she pressed as she prepared her coffee.

"Well, when we say we found something on the hand, we mean literally on the hand…" Ryan boasted. She turned around and leaned against the counter as she sipped her coffee. "Which would be?"

"There was a ring on the Jane Doe's hand." Esposito handed her a picture of the ring and she studied the white-gold band with eleven tiny diamonds. "It had initials engraved into the band," he said handing her the photo of the initials. Beckett passed Castle the first picture and began examining the photo of the engraved initials. "Uhhh…I hate to burst your guys' bubble but those initials wouldn't happen to be 'AH'?" Castle piped up. Beckett and the boys looked at him in surprised. "How'd you know, bro?" Esposito asked.

"You aren't going to find anything on the initials 'AH'. I mean, you will. Lots of 'AH's' I'm sure…"

"Castle…focus!" Beckett snapped.

"Oh…ummm. Pinkie rings used to be reserved for flashy guys, but single women started wearing a particular kind. They are call 'ah rings.' The bands can be worn on either pinkie."

When he stopped and looked at the faces of his friends he noticed the effort they were making not to burst out laughing at his knowledge of these rings. "What? I've seen pictures of the jewelry on television. Celebrity women – mainly actresses and rock stars – stack them on their fingers." Castle frowned as he tried to remember what the initials stood for. "Available and happy" he muttered. "The rings are meant to celebrate a single woman's contentment with the single life."

Beckett sighed and shoved the picture back at Esposito. "Great! Back at square one" she huffed on her way back to her desk.

She rolled her chair out and plopped down in it. She was still tired and she was about to question why when the faintest of a smile tugged at her lips at the memory. Castle noticed the smile as he took his seat and made no point of hiding the shit eating grin on his own face. "Did we turn up the Jane Doe's body?" She directed at the boys.

"They're still beating the bushes along the park and local waterfronts. Checking for missing-persons reports as you walked in. Waiting on her prints to come back from IAFIS." Ryan took a seat on the edge of the desk in front of Beckett's as he explained.

"Where are we with the realtor?" Beckett piped up.

"Alibied out…WHOA!" Esposito bellowed.

Ryan quickly jumped off the desk to come around and join Esposito at his computer screen. "M.O. matches another unsolved homicide upstate. Hale Olson."

"Who was the lead detective on the case?" she asked reaching for her phone.

"Jedidiah Garcia."

Castle tried to hold in his laughter but he failed miserably as Beckett held the phone to her ear waiting for an answer from the other line. When she began to shoot daggers in his direction he cupped his hand over his mouth like a little kid. Turning to Ryan and Esposito he mouthed 'Jedidiah'. The boys had a much better sense of humor than Beckett and soon they were giggling like a bunch of school girls as well.

Beckett set the receiver down with a clack and turned to Beckett with an overly annoyed expression on her face. "Castle stop distracting the class!" she said slapping him on the back of the head to get his attention. "They are emailing and faxing us a pile of papers. It looks like you may be right about the business with the rope, Castle."

Interrupting her Castle took to his feet and made a grand gesture bow and fished his phone out of his pocket. "Can you repeat that one more time? I want to get a recording of it. The 'you were right' part. I want to put it as your ringtone."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "I said maybe." She quickly turned her attention away from the overgrown man child in the room to fill Ryan and Esposito in. "Whoever the killer is, he spends way too much time tying his victims up. He uses fancy knots and way too much rope. Overkill. Like with the judge. Whether the knots were anything fancy, I don't know – apparently Detective Garcia has conveniently retired to The Keys. All they were able to tell me is that he was trussed up like a Christmas turkey" she added conciliatorily.

"Are they sending you photos?" Castle asked.

Beckett refreshed her browser in hopes of the file landing in her inbox. She shook her head and bit the corner of her lip like she usually did when she was thinking. "They sent us some in a JPEG file." Beckett clicked the mouse a couple of times and stood up and walked to the printer. "I want all the files on Sterling Archer's criminal cases. You two go talk to his lawyers. See what information they are willing to give. Maybe we can find some sort of connection between the vics. We've got a serial killer now. I have to talk to Montgomery and get the FBI on the phone. Hopefully our suspect is in those criminal cases somewhere." Beckett ran a hand through her hair and looked at the photos in front of her with a sigh.

She walked over to her desk and pulled out a dry erase marker as the boys threw their coats on and headed for the elevator.

Castle studied her closely as she began to scribble random words on the murder board. _Sheer Lashing. Clove Hitch. Double fisherman's knot. Overkill. Show off. _

Making another row of random words. _Right hands hacked off. Thrown away. Victims all alive when cut of? Meaning? _

She wrote '**MOTIVE**' in big bold underlined letters and stood there quietly tapping the marker against her palm. "Where do we ever start?" she mumbled. Castle stood up and walked over to the corner of her desk and leaning against it.

"Well considering Sterling Archer's long list of enemies: Revenge?" Castle contributed.

"Thank you captain obvious" she snapped back.

"Whoa!" Castle threw his hands up. "What is with this anger you have been throwing at me all morning? You know, most women have a tendency to walk around with a lazy grin after…" Beckett swung around before he could finish his sentence and suddenly he was staring directly into the cap of a dry erase marker as she cut him off. "Castle! I am not most women and I am not doing this here! There is a serial killer running around hacking people's hands off while they are still alive and we have nothing but some stupid rope theory."

"Stupid rope theory?" his voice rose slightly as he stood up to face her. "Just a moment ago you made it seem like pure brilliance and now it's stupid?"

Kate rolled her eyes and pivoted back to the murder board, furiously righting _Revenge _with way more underlines than necessary. She capped the marked and set it down on the ledge of the dry-erase board. "Happy?" she spat and stalked away from him towards the Captain's office.

"What did I do?" he mumbled as he stood there in shock. He was at a loss for words. He wasn't sure what the hell her problem was. He knew it wasn't his skills in bed and she had been the one to initiate that morning's more than happy wake up call. He didn't understand why she was flying off the handle at him. He knew she became tense when the cases seemed to lead nowhere but this was becoming overkill and it was directed straight at him.


	12. I'm Not Nikki Heat!

**Author's Note: **_I know it feels like decades since I have updated this story and I am truly sorry. School started once again and to be honest I almost forgot about the story. I got major writer's block and it has taken me a couple of days to actually get this wrote up. I think I have picked up some more inspiration and plan to regularly update once again. I hope I still have some following for this story. All of your reviews and alerts are wonderful. _

_Oh! And if you guys would like – I also do a little viding in my spare time. If you want to check out my channel there is some really good Castle and Beckett stuff there as well. Subscribe, Comment, Enjoy._

_.com/user/Stanatithan?feature=mhum _

_Now read away and let me know what you think?_

When Beckett exited Montgomery's office, she looked ready to hurt somebody. The boys were back and looked at one another and silently agreeing to keep their distance in spite of their curiosity. She barely acknowledged the two of them as she made her way back to her desk and plopped down. She pinched the bridge of her nose before suddenly looking around as something dawned on her. It was too quiet.

"Where's Castle?" she piped up.

The boys look at each other as they tried to figure out if it was safe to answer or not. When they took in Beckett's expression impatiently waiting for a response, Ryan decided to take one for the team.

"He just left. Said he forgot about a meeting or something. "

Beckett's face contorted into confusion and suspicion. She had a feeling that there was little to no truth behind Castle's excuse.

"We're off the case. Apparently Agent Shaw isn't running point on this one, so they are freezing us out." She huffed.

Ryan tossed his pen on the desk and Esposito leaned back in his chair looking equally annoyed. "And they wonder why cops and feds don't get along." Beckett just pursed her lips and nodded before looking down at the paperwork she was going to have to endure in order to hand the case over. She moved the mouse to her computer as the screen saver dissipated. Opening the forms she had to fill out, she heard Ryan. "Well, looks like we can go grab some lunch then. You coming Beckett?" He asked as they grabbed their jackets and stood by her desk.

"Ummm….I'm gonna pass. Got paperwork." They just shrugged and made their way to the elevator. She wasn't really lying. There was paperwork to do. She just wasn't being completely honest about why she would rather be doing paperwork than hanging out for lunch. Work was the only way she knew how to let her mind go and de-stress.

Shuffling around her desk, looking for a file, an envelope dropped into her lap. She eyed in suspiciously before turning it around. When she saw **'KB' **written in big letters on the front, she immediately knew who it was from. At first a feeling of dread set in as she thought of all the possible reason Castle would write her a letter. Maybe it was a letter to tell her that he wouldn't be following her anymore. That he had gotten what he came for and it was time to just move on. A letter telling her that everything that happened between last night and this morning was a huge mistake. She carefully opened the seal and pulled out the piece of paper, unfolding it. In his perfect handwriting it read:

_KB, _

_Dinner my house. 8:00PM_

_If you don't show, I'll take the hint._

_Always, _

_RC_

Beckett allowed the top fold of the letter to collapse against her fingers as she looked around. When she was satisfied that no one was paying attention; she let a content smile cover her lips. Leave it to Castle to beat the proverbial 'dead horse'. He knew she needed time to process and yet here he was making sure the space did not allow her time to regret what had happened between them. While it was sweet that he was taking the effort to let her know that she wasn't just a one-night stand, she wasn't sure if she was ready to actually discuss it.

In less than a week Kate Beckett had been betrayed by a man that had always seemed like she guy she was falling for. She had slept with her best friend. And the realization that she could never have truly fallen for the former because she had already fallen for the latter scared her to death. The entire train of thought had her completely overwhelmed. Kate Beckett had a lot of walls. She took comfort in them, but with Castle she felt as exposed as she did every time a new development formed in her mother's case.

When her cell phone beeped, Beckett was shaken out of her reverie. She noticed that she had spent the last ten minutes staring at a blinking cursor, the letter having fallen back on the desk. She looked down at her phone and groaned when she saw who the text was from. She didn't even want to know what hurtful words lay within the text from Josh. So, she opted to just hit delete instead.

She wasn't sure if it was the empowerment coming from the decision to leave Josh in her past, but suddenly she got a second wind and began clacking away at the keyboard. Within half an hour Kate was returning from the break room with a fresh cup of coffee as Ryan and Esposito stepped off the elevator.

"Hey Beckett, we brought you something from Terrific Nick's."

Beckett's head snapped up and gave them an '_are you kidding?_' look. The guys just began laughing.

"Just joking. It's from Remy's." Beckett rolled her eyes and grabbed the Styrofoam box that Esposito proffered. "Thank you." She didn't want to be rude and say that she actually had plans for dinner. Yes, she was going to show up tonight and face Castle like an adult.

Six O'clock rolled around as she swore she could hear the entire precinct gasp as she announced that she was packing it in for the night.

"Hot date tonight?" Esposito joked.

Beckett just smiled and shook her head. "Something like that…" she mumbled on her way to the elevator. As the doors collided she heard one of the boys mention Josh and her shoulders tightened. She remembered that no one but Castle and her knew about what happened. If she was going to explore this territory with Castle, Josh would be the perfect cover. So, she decided to keep them in the dark. They didn't need to know what was going on in her personal life anyway.

The keys clashed together as Kate carelessly tossed them on the kitchen counter. Setting an alarm on her phone to wake her from the catnap she desperately needed. Running her fingers through her hair and letting out a heavy sigh, she thought about what exactly it was she was even going to say over dinner tonight. Maybe they could just have a comfortably quiet dinner and just take the hint. No. That would be far too easy in Richard Castle's world. The man couldn't make anything easy on her and she was sure he wasn't about to start now. Walking over to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water she glanced over at the counter beside it and couldn't help but flashback to that morning.

_"I had you in my arms last night and it felt natural and right and with all your years as one of New York's finest; and I do mean FINEST you can't say that there isn't something more going on here."_

She remembered the sincerity in his eyes. How caught off guard she was by it. He was right. She did know something had been going on. Probably longer than Josh had even been in her life, but after he took off to the Hamptons she filed that part of her heart away to a box that had been collecting dust until that morning.

"_I have a past and I can't help that. There is nothing I can do to change it. I got Alexis out of that past and I wouldn't change that for anything but if I would have known this is where I would be standing right now I would try like hell to erase some of it."_

She leaned against the island and that lazy smile Castle spoke of that morning actually took effect. It was delayed, but it was definitely there. Why did he have to always be right? The smug bastard. The sex had been mind blowing. She had to give him that. There was never a doubt in her mind that they would be sexually compatible, it was emotionally that she kept questioning. She remembered her knee jerk reaction to the letter left on her desk. How could she give herself to him completely if around every corner the terror of him leaving lay.

Her mind drifted to images of all the reasons why she will never be able to prepare food on that counter and before she knew it, her water bottle had been drained dry. She set it down on the island to be recycled later and climbed the stairs. A nice hot bath would help her relax the overanalyzing she had been doing all day and then she would take advantage of a little sleep.

Sinking into the heat, the steam emanating from the water relaxed every inch of her body. She closed her eyes and if she wasn't careful she realized she could probably fall asleep right then and there.

Her eyes shot open at the faint sound of her front door. It couldn't be Castle. Why would he leave her a note for her to meet him if he was just going to show up at her door anyway? She rolled her eyes and slowly lifted herself out of the heavenly oasis. Grabbing her silk robe and wrapping it around her shoulders, she padded downstairs. Undoing the chain on the door, her eyes went wide when she saw Josh standing at her front door. "What do you want Josh?" she asked, less than thrilled to see him.

"Can we talk?"

She actually thought about it for a moment, kicking herself for the idea. "I was in the middle of something…" she finally said after a moment of silence. Josh's palm flew up to stop the door from slamming in his face. Kate pursed her lips and eyed the hand holding her door open as she waited for an explanation. "I want to apologize."

"Noted…" she said impatiently, trying to turn away again.

She wanted to scream when instead of leaving and taking a hint, he basically pushed his way in the door. "By all means, come in Josh. It's not like we broke up or anything" she said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I thought that…"

"No Josh. You weren't thinking. THAT was thinking" she pointed towards his crotch. "I don't want to hear excuses or apologies. I just want you to leave. To leave me alone and never come back. This is done. Whatever we had went out the window with that bimbette in your bedroom."

Josh's jaw clenched and he looked down. "He's just going to hurt you, Kate."

Her jaw dropped at his words. Who was he to stand here in her living room and preach to her about how Richard Castle was going to hurt her. "You have a lot of nerve. You know that? You jump into bed with another woman in mere days of returning from Africa and you have the gull to say that Castle is going to be the one to hurt me? I told you that there was nothing going on between Castle and me, anyway. Will you just please leave?"

"Is that why he stayed the night last night?" he shouted.

Kate was speechless. How on earth did Josh know that Castle stayed over? "Were you watching my house? Do you know how many levels of creepy that is? You really need to leave. NOW!"

"See? You aren't even denying it. I'm not leaving here until you realize that Richard Castle is nothing more than a self-centered celebutante that only has one thing in mind when it comes to you. You are his white whale. The one that he just can't seem to land. What is the one piece of research he hasn't been able to fully explore? He has been following you around like a dog for years now. He'll finally leave when he finally gets that last piece. Sex with you. A real feel for what it's like to sleep with Nikki Heat." His demanding demeanor and loud voice was beginning to make Kate a little nervous. She had always seen Josh as a pretty laid back guy but, she was seeing a completely different person in the last couple of days.

"I AM NOT NIKKI HEAT!" she shouted, enunciating each syllable as if she were talking to a three year old.

"Like hell" he laughed. Kate hated being called Nikki Heat more than anything. If it weren't for the fact that it was what threw Richard Castle into her life, she would wish it never existed. Those damn books had done nothing but cause her grief. Grief she could gladly do without. "Remember how good we were together, Kate?" his tone lowered. It would have been almost endearing if it didn't make her so nervous. "I'm sorry. Why can't you just accept that?" He stepped forward again, causing Kate to take a step back. "Have you been drinking?" she accused, the smell of stale beer filling her nostrils. She hadn't noticed it before, but now he was close enough for it to be obvious. He reached his hand out to push a stray hair from her face, his hand lingering just a little too long on the side of her face. She closed her eyes and tried to swallow the bile rising in her throat. The urge to vomit usurping the urge to sink into the familiar touch. "I never got the chance to tell you I love you, Kate. I just threw it all away because I was too stupid to realize how good I had it. I will never do that again." It was sickening how believable he sounded in that moment. His hand trailed down her arm and she nervously watched its descent. She didn't know when he had gotten so close, but it was so hard to see through the confusion he was causing. "Richard Castle will never feel the way I do about you" he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her.

The mention of Rick's name snapped her out of the clouded haze and she quickly turned her head, causing his lips to collide with her cheek instead of her lips. She had been silent for far too long. "Josh, if you don't leave. I will force you to leave" her voice was as meek as a mouse and lacked the amount of authority it usually contained. She wasn't afraid of Josh. She was trained to take down men his size. She was afraid of how big of a fool she could easily make of herself if he kept pushing his way into her life like this. She had once cared for Josh and a part of her still did, but the hurt he caused her killed any possibility of a future between them.

She avoided making eye contact as she felt his eyes boring holes into her skin like a cigarette. "Think about it Kate," he whispered before pulling her into a hug and placing a kiss on the top of her hair. Kate's entire body tensed up and she felt dirty. She didn't speak as he made his exit from the apartment. She knew this was the part where she should cry or scream or fall apart in some way but Kate wasn't a crier. Instead she internalized everything and let it beat her up from the inside out.

She walked over and plopped down on the couch, pulling her union flag pillow into her lap. She knew that Josh was just trying to get under her skin but she couldn't help but wonder if he was right. She had viewed sleeping with Castle as a conquest for him but she had never actually thought it would be research for his book. What if he only wanted to explore a relationship with her to create a more realistic perspective for Nikki and Rook? All the doubts she had been fighting throughout the day came crashing back down on her and suddenly she felt like she was suffocating under the pressure. She hadn't even realized the tears had finally begun falling until an audible sob came from her lips. She quickly stiffened up her upper lip and tried to fight it. Slightly embarrassed by her emotional outburst even though she was the only one in the room.

Sudden exhaustion took over and she allowed herself the small catnap she had planned.


End file.
